A Fresh Start: Reclaiming Hope After a Disappointing Therapy Encounter

1. It’s not your fault. A mismatch with your therapist doesn’t reflect on you – finding the right fit takes time.
2. Understand why it happens. Common reasons include poor therapist-client connection, unrealistic expectations, or mismatched approaches.
3. Learn from the experience. Reflect on what didn’t work – communication, cultural understanding, or treatment style – and use these insights to find a better match.
4. Take actionable steps. Build self-care habits, speak up about your needs, and explore new therapists through consultations.
5. Set therapy goals. Use SMART goals to guide your progress and track improvements.

Quick Tips to Rebuild Trust:

• Journal and practice mindfulness to process emotions.
• Ask the right questions during therapist consultations (e.g., "What techniques do you use?").
• Consider online therapy platforms like Televero Health for convenience.

Healing isn’t linear, but with patience, self-advocacy, and the right support, you can regain trust in therapy and continue your mental health journey.

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Why Therapy Sessions Can Disappoint

Studies show that between 20% and 57% of clients don’t return after their first session, and another 37% to 45% attend only twice. Understanding why therapy may fall short can help normalize your experience and guide you toward finding the right support. Let’s explore some common reasons, their effects, and how to move forward.

Common Reasons Therapy May Fall Short

The success of therapy often hinges on the connection between the therapist and the client. Research indicates that while specific therapeutic techniques account for 30% of outcomes, the quality of the client-therapist relationship influences results 40% of the time.

Here are some common reasons therapy might not meet expectations:

• Poor therapeutic match: Finding the right therapist can feel like searching for the perfect pair of shoes – fit matters.
• Cultural disconnect: A therapist’s lack of cultural awareness can create misunderstandings and erode trust.
• Unrealistic expectations: Many expect quick results, but research suggests that meaningful progress often requires 15–20 sessions.
• Inadequate assessment: Some therapists may skip thorough evaluations, leading to mismatched treatment plans.

When these issues arise, they can not only stall progress but also leave clients feeling disheartened.

The Impact of Bad Therapy Sessions

A negative therapy experience can have lasting effects. Dr. Deborah Serani, a clinical psychologist, explains:

"Just one bad experience can shut a person down, turn them off to a new therapist, and leave them disinterested by the entire mental health system".

Some of the potential effects include:

• Feeling more hopeless than before
• Hesitation to seek mental health support in the future
• Increased anxiety about being vulnerable
• Repeated attempts with different therapists without finding resolution

Why It’s Not Your Fault

When therapy doesn’t work out, it’s important to understand that the issue is often a mismatch – not a reflection of your personal failings. Dr. Karen Maroda’s research emphasizes that "the empathy required for therapeutic success is only possible when the therapist basically likes the client".

While 50% to 75% of therapy clients report some benefit, about 5% actually feel worse after treatment. Dr. Jessi Gold, assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Washington University in St. Louis, puts it plainly: "We’re the medicine".

Therapy is a two-way relationship. If you don’t connect with a therapist, it’s not your fault – just as you wouldn’t blame yourself for not clicking with a new acquaintance. The professional consensus is clear: "No fit? No fault". Mismatches are simply part of the process, and finding the right therapist is key to making progress.

Steps to Trust Therapy Again

Rebuilding trust after a tough therapy experience takes time, patience, and kindness toward yourself. Finding the right therapist might require trying out a few before landing on the right fit.

Accept Your Reactions

Take time to process your emotions. Therapist Candice Christiansen explains:

"This is all part of healing, and in time they will get to a place where they feel more comfortable in managing their discomfort".

Here are a few ways to start:

• Spend 15–20 minutes journaling each day.
• Practice mindfulness for 5–10 minutes.
• Exercise regularly to help ease stress.

These practices can help you reflect on what didn’t work in your previous therapy sessions and give you clarity moving forward.

Learn From Past Sessions

Dr. John Duffy suggests asking yourself questions like, "Did I feel listened to and understood?". Reflect on these aspects:

• Communication: Were you able to share openly without hesitation?
• Cultural Understanding: Did your therapist respect your background and experiences?
• Treatment Style: Were the methods used aligned with your needs?
• Session Flow: Did the pace of the sessions feel right?

These reflections can help you pinpoint what you need in a therapist and communicate those needs more effectively.

Speaking Up in Therapy

Erwin, LMHC, LPC, a therapist with Talkspace, highlights the importance of expressing your feelings during therapy to create better outcomes.

When discussing concerns with your therapist, try this approach:

1. Start with acknowledgment: Say something like, "I’m a little uncomfortable bringing this up, but…"
2. Be specific: Use "I" statements to explain what’s not working.
3. Request adjustments: Share what you need to feel more supported.

Being open about your discomfort can provide key insights and help improve your relationship with your therapist.

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How to Choose Your Next Therapist

When selecting a therapist, it’s important to build on lessons from past experiences. Finding someone who aligns with your needs can help you regain confidence and trust in the therapeutic process.

What to Look for in a Therapist

A good therapist isn’t just skilled – they also connect with you on a personal level. Here are some qualities to prioritize:

• Active listening: They pay close attention and remember important details from your sessions.
• Cultural awareness: They respect and understand your background and experiences.
• Clear boundaries: They maintain professional policies for scheduling, communication, and emergencies.
• Proven methods: They use therapeutic approaches backed by research and tailored to your situation.
• Continual learning: They stay updated on the latest practices through ongoing education.

Questions to Ask During Consultations

Before committing to a therapist, arrange an initial consultation. This is your chance to ask questions and assess whether they’re the right fit. Here are some ideas:

1. "Do you have experience addressing issues similar to mine?"
2. "How do you structure your therapy sessions?"
3. "What therapeutic techniques do you use most often?"
4. "How do you track progress in therapy?"
5. "What’s your policy for communication between sessions?"

Take notes during these discussions to compare therapists later. If in-person sessions feel overwhelming or impractical, virtual therapy might be worth exploring.

Online Therapy with Televero Health

Virtual therapy offers a convenient way to access support. Televero Health provides a range of services designed to meet your needs:

• Easy access: Schedule same-week appointments using your computer or smartphone.
• Wide-ranging care: They offer therapy, counseling, and psychiatry for all ages.
• Age-inclusive: Services are available for individuals from age 5 to 95.
• Insurance-friendly: They accept a variety of insurance plans.
• Secure sessions: All appointments are conducted on a HIPAA-compliant platform.

With a user-friendly patient portal, managing appointments and documents is simple. Plus, their free self-evaluation tool can help you better understand your needs before you begin therapy.

Self-Help Tools and Techniques

Between therapy sessions, self-help techniques can help you reflect on past experiences and prepare for what lies ahead.

Journal Writing Guide

Journaling is a powerful way to process emotions and build mental strength. Use these prompts to guide your writing:

Processing Emotions:

• Describe difficult moments from recent sessions.
• Compare what you expected with what actually happened.
• Write about your current feelings without judging yourself.
• List what aspects of the situation you can control.

"Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it." – Eliza Tabor

Focusing on Growth:

• Pinpoint any unrealistic expectations you may have had.
• Celebrate your wins and outline practical next steps.
• Link disappointments to your core values to understand them better.
• Map out your mental health journey.

Pairing journaling with mindfulness exercises can deepen your progress.

Basic Mindfulness Methods

Mindfulness can ease stress and support your mental well-being.

10-Minute Daily Practice: Sit comfortably and focus on your breathing. Pay attention to its natural rhythm without trying to alter it. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring your focus back to your breath.

Incorporate mindfulness into everyday activities:

• Notice the temperature, texture, and taste of your food while eating.
• Focus on your steps and surroundings while walking.
• Feel the water’s sensations and temperature while showering.

Once you’ve grounded yourself with mindfulness, you’ll be better equipped to set clear therapy goals.

Setting Clear Therapy Goals

Use insights from your journaling and mindfulness practices to create SMART therapy goals:

Component	Description	Example
Specific	Define a clear target	Reduce anxiety in social settings
Measurable	Track your progress	Attend 3 social events each week
Achievable	Keep it realistic	Begin with 5-minute conversations
Relevant	Align with your needs	Build overall confidence
Time-bound	Set a deadline	Reach the goal within 8 weeks

"Goals give therapy structure and clarity. Without a goal, therapy can feel like wandering without a map." – Vivian Chung Easton, LMFT, CHC

Tips for Goal-Setting:

• Define your main therapy focus.
• Stick to one theme at a time.
• Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps.
• Revisit and adjust your goals as needed.

Next Steps for Mental Health

Taking steps forward after a tough therapy experience involves blending professional help with personal strategies for growth.

Finding Support Outside Therapy

Building a strong support system can help you maintain progress between therapy sessions. Here are some ways it can help:

• Sharing experiences creates connection and understanding.
• Hearing different viewpoints can offer new ideas.
• Accountability keeps you motivated.
• A safe environment lets you practice coping skills.

In-person support groups provide real-time interaction, while online groups and therapy platforms offer flexibility, professional advice, and a sense of community. Combining these resources with your daily self-care routine can reinforce your progress.

Daily Mental Health Habits

Creating consistent habits can improve your overall well-being. Here’s a simple daily routine to consider:

Time of Day	Activity	Purpose
Morning	5-minute breathing exercise	Start the day feeling grounded
Afternoon	15-minute outdoor walk	Boost energy and clear your mind
Evening	Gratitude journaling	Reflect on and process the day
Before bed	Hour without screens	Promote better sleep

In addition to these, regular exercise, a good sleep schedule, balanced meals, and staying hydrated (aim for about 64 oz of water daily) are key to mental health.

Mental Health Resources

Digital tools can play a big role in your mental health journey. Many platforms provide services such as:

• Online therapy and counseling.
• Access to licensed professionals.
• Flexible scheduling with same-week appointments.
• Psychiatric care when necessary.

You can also explore apps for mood tracking, meditation, sleep improvement, and stress management. These tools make it easier to integrate mental health care into your daily life.

Conclusion

When reflecting on past therapy sessions and exploring new options, keep in mind that a single setback doesn’t define your journey. It often takes 1–3 sessions to determine if a therapist is the right fit for you. Healing, after all, doesn’t follow a straight path.

"You have to meet the client where they’re at and let them set the agenda. I have had clients who have taken months to build rapport, and if you [the counselor] are not patient, you may never get to that point."

Consider these strategies as you move forward:

• Schedule brief consultations to assess compatibility.
• Commit to a 3–6 month relationship with your chosen therapist.
• Be open about what helps and what doesn’t during sessions.
• Stick to your daily self-care habits.
• Explore additional support like group therapy or online resources.

These steps can help you build trust and confidence in your choices.

Finding the right therapist often comes down to trusting your instincts. As one therapy seeker puts it:

"It’s a feeling that you have. You feel 100% comfortable. You know it’s a judgment-free zone, and you can feel safe in that setting. You just vibe with them. It was intuition."

If you feel safe and understood, chances are you’ve found the right match. Seeking help again shows strength and determination. With steady support and clear communication, you can rebuild trust and continue your mental health journey.

Related Blog Posts

• One Bad Experience Doesn’t Define It All: Rebounding from Disappointing Therapy Sessions
• Your Perfect Match: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding the Therapist Who ‘Gets’ You
• No Struggle Too Small: How Therapy Helps Even When You Think You ‘Don’t Need It’
• Shattering Stereotypes: Why Seeking Therapy Doesn’t Make You Weak