Change Is Hard - Here’s Why That’s Normal (and What to Do About It)

Change feels tough because your brain sees it as a potential threat, even when it’s positive. This triggers fear, stress, or anxiety, making it harder to adapt. But this is normal – our brains are wired to prefer familiar routines. Here’s how to manage it:

Understand Resistance: It’s not a weakness; it’s your brain protecting you.
Break It Down: Divide big changes into smaller, manageable steps.
Reframe Negative Thoughts: Use methods like "Catch It, Check It, Change It" to challenge fears.
Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like deep breathing can reduce stress.
Use Support Systems: Lean on friends, family, or virtual therapy for guidance.

Change is a process, and setbacks are part of the journey. With patience and the right strategies, you can turn challenges into growth opportunities.

The REAL reason why change is so hard, and what to do about it

The Science Behind Why We Resist Change

To understand why change can feel so daunting, we need to examine what’s happening inside our brains. The resistance you experience isn’t a personal failing – it’s your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do.

How Your Brain Interprets Change as a Threat

Your brain’s top priority is survival. To achieve this, it creates routines and patterns that reduce uncertainty and conserve energy. When change disrupts these routines, your brain perceives it as a potential threat to your stability.

The amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for processing emotions, is constantly scanning for signs of danger. When it detects a threat – whether real or perceived – it triggers the fight-or-flight response. Interestingly, even positive changes, like a promotion or moving to a new city, can activate this response because they disrupt the familiar.

This mechanism, which helped our ancestors survive life-or-death situations, now kicks in during modern transitions like starting a new job or ending a relationship. Nearly one in four people will experience some form of anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and the chronic stress that comes with frequent changes can contribute to mental health challenges.

Changing established habits requires effort because your brain is wired to favor the familiar. Think of it like walking through a dense forest: creating a new path takes far more energy than sticking to the well-worn trail. This preference for efficiency makes adapting to change an uphill battle.

But it’s not just biology that makes change hard – psychological and emotional factors also play a big role.

Mental and Emotional Barriers to Change

Beyond the brain’s natural resistance, our thoughts and emotions can make change even harder. Fear of the unknown often triggers anxiety, frustration, and even helplessness.

Studies show that uncertainty amplifies negative emotions while reducing positive ones. This can lead to cognitive distortions – like catastrophizing, where you imagine the worst-case scenario – or all-or-nothing thinking, which makes change feel impossible.

Another key factor is the sense of losing control. When life veers off course, it can feel like everything is slipping out of your hands, which increases stress and anxiety. Struggling with uncertainty is closely linked to issues like depression, panic attacks, and compulsive behaviors.

Past experiences with change also leave a mark. If previous transitions didn’t go smoothly, your brain may become even more resistant to future ones. Feeling unprepared, lacking trust in the process, or facing bad timing can all compound these emotional hurdles.

Change doesn’t happen in a vacuum – your social environment plays a huge role in how you respond to it. Family expectations, social roles, and group dynamics can either help or hinder your ability to adapt.

Families often value stability, and one person’s change can disrupt that balance. This can create subtle pressure to maintain the status quo, leaving you torn between your desire for growth and your need to stay connected to loved ones.

On the flip side, support from friends, family, and colleagues can make a big difference during stressful transitions. But if your social circle resists your changes, it can amplify your own fears. Concerns about losing relationships or no longer fitting in can make it even harder to move forward.

Cultural norms also shape how we approach change. Some cultures prioritize tradition and stability, while others encourage risk-taking and new ideas. These cultural attitudes influence how we draw on personal and social resources to navigate challenges.

Workplace dynamics add another layer. If your organization doesn’t embrace change, or if colleagues are skeptical about new initiatives, you might find it harder to adapt – even when the change could be beneficial. Research shows that organizations that plan for resistance are more likely to meet their goals, while those that don’t often fall short.

These external pressures interact with your internal reactions, setting the stage for strategies to overcome resistance – topics we’ll explore in later sections. Understanding these influences is the first step toward managing change effectively.

How People Adapt to Change Over Time

Change tends to follow a predictable path, and understanding where you are in the process can help you prepare for what’s ahead. Building on what we know about the brain’s resistance to change, let’s explore how this journey typically unfolds.

The 5 Stages of Change Model

The Transtheoretical Model (TTM), also called the Stages of Change model, outlines five distinct phases people go through when navigating life or behavioral changes. This model has been widely applied in various scenarios, from quitting smoking to managing significant life shifts, and it highlights that change often follows a recognizable pattern.

"The transtheoretical model (TTM), and its easy-to-follow steps toward change, make understanding human behavior one of the easiest filters to follow."

Nahrain Raihan & Mark Cogburn, StatPearls

Here’s a breakdown of the stages:

Precontemplation: At this stage, you’re not even thinking about change. You might be unaware of the problem or feel stuck after failed attempts. Roughly 40% of people are in this phase at any given time.
Contemplation: Here, you start to weigh the pros and cons of change but remain on the fence. This stage can drag on for months or even years, with another 40% of people finding themselves caught between wanting change and fearing what it might cost.
Preparation: You begin planning for action, gathering information, and setting goals, usually with the intention of making a change within the next month. Only 20% of people reach this stage.
Action: This is where you actively work on change, practicing new behaviors over a period of three to six months, despite the pull of old habits.
Maintenance: After six months of sustained effort, the focus shifts to preventing relapse and solidifying new habits. This phase can last anywhere from six months to five years.

The model also acknowledges that setbacks, or relapses, are a normal part of the process. Instead of viewing them as failures, they’re seen as opportunities to learn and adjust. Most people don’t move through these stages in a straight line – they often cycle back and forth, gaining insights along the way.

Common Problems at Each Stage

Each stage comes with its own hurdles, and understanding these challenges can help you navigate them more effectively.

Precontemplation challenges: You might lack awareness, feel unmotivated, or minimize the problem. Some people feel so overwhelmed they don’t believe change is possible.
Contemplation struggles: This stage often involves "analysis paralysis", where the potential costs – like time, effort, or fear of failure – seem too daunting, even when the benefits are clear.
Preparation pitfalls: Poor planning, setting unrealistic goals, or rushing into action without enough groundwork can derail progress.
Action stage difficulties: Breaking old habits is tough, especially when your brain resists new patterns. External factors like stress, triggers, or social pressure can make sticking to new behaviors even harder.
Maintenance challenges: Sustaining change over the long term requires ongoing effort. Boredom, overconfidence, or stress can lead to setbacks. For example, after a year of not smoking, 43% of people relapse, but those who stay smoke-free for five years see their relapse risk drop to just 7%.

Interestingly, research shows that smokers typically need three to four attempts at the action phase before achieving lasting success. This doesn’t mean they’re failing – it’s a reflection of how challenging change can be and how persistence pays off.

Progressing through the stages, even gradually, can make a big difference. Moving forward just one stage within a month can double your chances of taking action in the next six months. This highlights the importance of small, steady steps.

Each phase requires tailored strategies and support. For example, raising awareness is critical in precontemplation, but during the action phase, you’ll need practical tools and adjustments to your environment. Identifying your current stage helps you focus on the right approach for where you are in the process.

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Practical Ways to Handle Change Better

Here are some actionable strategies you can use right away. These techniques, rooted in research, can help you build resilience and tackle the mental hurdles that make change feel overwhelming.

How to Change Negative Thinking Patterns

When faced with uncertainty, your brain often defaults to fear, triggering worst-case scenarios and negative thoughts. The trick is learning to catch and redirect these thoughts before they spiral out of control.

The "Catch It, Check It, Change It" Approach
This method involves identifying negative thoughts, evaluating the evidence behind them, and replacing them with more balanced alternatives.

For instance, if you’re dreading an important presentation and think, "This is going to be a disaster", take a moment to challenge that thought. Ask yourself: How likely is that outcome? What evidence supports this fear? Are there other explanations? Reflecting on past successes can remind you of your ability to handle pressure and perform well.

Using Thought Records and Cognitive Reframing
Keep a log of situations that trigger negative thoughts, the thoughts themselves, and evidence supporting or contradicting them. Then, reframe those thoughts with alternative perspectives. For example, if a friend doesn’t reply to your message and you think, "I must have upset them", consider other possibilities like "They might be busy" or "They probably haven’t seen my message yet".

Decatastrophizing
When your mind jumps to disaster scenarios, ask yourself: "Is this thought realistic?" or "What advice would I give a friend in the same situation?" This approach helps reduce the grip of catastrophic thinking.

These techniques clear the way for mindfulness practices, which can further ease stress during times of change.

Mindfulness Methods for Reducing Stress

Mindfulness helps ground you in the present moment, which can be immensely calming when navigating change. Studies show mindfulness can dramatically improve your ability to handle difficult transitions. For example, one study found that only 10% of participants felt confident managing change before a mindfulness program, compared to 68% after just two weeks.

Breathing Exercises
Start with simple breathing techniques you can do anywhere. Diaphragmatic breathing involves inhaling deeply through your nose for a count of 10, then exhaling slowly for another count of 10. Repeat this five to ten times when you feel stressed.

Another option is the 4-7-8 technique: exhale fully through your mouth, then inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, and exhale through your mouth for 8 counts. Repeat the cycle three more times while keeping your tongue behind your upper teeth.

Body Awareness and Staying Present
Mindfulness also involves paying attention to your physical sensations and observing how they change moment by moment. This practice can help you accept that challenges, like everything else, are temporary and constantly evolving.

Breaking Change into Small, Manageable Steps

Big changes can feel paralyzing, but breaking them into smaller, actionable tasks makes them easier to tackle. This approach keeps you from feeling overwhelmed by the big picture.

Task Decomposition
Start by clearly defining your goal and any requirements or constraints. Then, break the change into smaller steps that lead toward your goal. Estimate how much time each step will take, and identify dependencies that need to be addressed before moving forward.

Prioritization and Tracking Progress
Not all steps are equally urgent or important. Prioritize tasks based on deadlines, dependencies, and their impact on your goal. Focus on completing one step at a time instead of juggling multiple tasks. Tracking your progress gives you visible proof of your achievements, keeping you motivated even when the process feels tough.

Planning for Long-Term Success
Change takes energy, both mental and emotional. Build regular breaks into your schedule to prevent burnout, and review your progress periodically to adjust your plan as needed. Flexibility is crucial – some steps may take longer than expected, and new priorities can arise.

"Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge." – Eckhart Tolle

How Virtual Care Can Support Long-Term Change

Having the right support during times of change can make all the difference. Televero Health offers a way to stay on track, even when traditional therapy isn’t an option. By bringing care to the comfort of your home, virtual services eliminate barriers and provide help when you need it most. This accessible approach works hand-in-hand with other strategies to support long-term progress.

Using Technology to Track Your Progress

Virtual care platforms come equipped with tools like patient portals, medication management systems, and mood tracking apps to help you keep tabs on your mental health. These features allow you to log symptoms, set reminders, and identify emotional trends over time. For example, a Michigan Medicine study involving 2,000 participants found that using mobile apps with mindfulness exercises and cognitive-behavioral techniques led to measurable improvements. Patients saw a two to three-point drop on the 27-point PHQ-9 depression scale and a reduction of 1.5 to 2 points on the 21-point GAD-7 anxiety scale.

Enhancing Support Through Online Therapy

While tracking tools help you stay informed, online therapy takes things a step further by fostering deeper engagement with strategies for managing change. Research shows that online therapy is just as effective as in-person sessions for addressing conditions like anxiety, depression, and stress. It’s also more convenient and cost-effective, cutting out expenses like transportation and improving attendance rates. For many, the ability to open up from the comfort of home makes therapy feel less intimidating.

Advances in AI-driven tools now make it easier to connect with therapists who specialize in your specific needs. Dr. Adam Horwitz from the U-M Medical School highlights the value of these options:

"Having this type of option, especially for people who are motivated enough to seek an appointment and wait for it, could be very valuable when providers have long wait lists."

The demand for virtual therapy is growing, with a 43% rise in online therapy sign-ups over the past year and nearly 60% of therapists now seeing more clients online. Televero Health offers secure, HIPAA-compliant services that include therapy, psychiatry, and medication management. With same-day appointments and options for individuals, families, and patients of all ages, Televero Health delivers the support you need to navigate life’s changes effectively and confidently.

Conclusion: Accepting Change as a Path to Growth

Change isn’t always easy. Our brains are wired to crave both new experiences and the comfort of stability, creating an internal push-and-pull that makes resisting change feel almost instinctive. As James Maddox, a teaching assistant professor of human resource and workforce development education, explains:

"People are wired for change. Hardwired to seek novelty. Without that, people get really bored. People are also hardwired for stability, for seeking predictable events or behavior".

Instead of battling resistance, try understanding it. Procrastination, fear, and rationalization aren’t just obstacles – they’re your mind’s way of protecting you. This shift in perspective can help you see resistance as a clue to what truly matters to you.

When you adopt a growth mindset, change becomes less about what you might lose and more about what you stand to gain. It’s about framing challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Using structured approaches to navigate change can make the process smoother and more effective.

Practical tools and strategies can guide you through this journey. Along the way, don’t forget the importance of self-compassion. Being kind to yourself during setbacks is just as critical as celebrating your victories, no matter how small.

A solid support system can make all the difference. Whether it’s leaning on friends, family, or virtual care options, having people in your corner ensures you don’t face change alone. Research shows that strong social connections can reduce feelings of depression and anxiety while increasing adaptability and overall life satisfaction.

Change is a door to new possibilities. By recognizing resistance as a natural part of the process and using proven strategies, you can turn life’s inevitable changes into meaningful opportunities for personal growth.

FAQs

Why does my brain resist even positive changes, and how can I become more comfortable with change?

Your brain has a natural tendency to resist change – even when it’s positive. Why? It’s all about survival. The amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for processing emotions, often sees change as a potential threat. This can trigger feelings of fear or resistance, even if the change is actually good for you. It’s a built-in mechanism designed to keep you safe, but it can make stepping into new situations feel harder than it needs to be.

The good news? You can train your brain to handle change more easily by tapping into neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to adapt and form new pathways. Start small: try new experiences in manageable doses, practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present, and shift your mindset to view change as a chance to grow rather than something to fear. With time and practice, your brain can learn to approach change with curiosity instead of hesitation.

How can I effectively handle setbacks when going through a change?

Setbacks are an inevitable part of making changes, but handling them well can make all the difference. One way to approach them is to reframe them as chances to learn and improve, instead of seeing them as outright failures. This shift in perspective can help you stay resilient and maintain your motivation.

It’s also important to be kind to yourself during these moments. Practicing self-compassion – rather than beating yourself up over mistakes – can go a long way in keeping discouragement at bay. Remember, missteps are simply part of the journey. If your goals feel too daunting, consider adjusting them to be more manageable. Smaller, realistic steps can help you regain confidence and keep moving forward.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to reach out to your support network. Whether it’s friends, family, or even a professional, having someone to lean on can provide encouragement and fresh insights to help you stay focused. Overcoming setbacks isn’t just a challenge – it’s a skill you can strengthen over time.

How can virtual therapy and online tools help manage the stress and anxiety of navigating change?

Virtual therapy and online tools provide a practical solution for tackling the stress and anxiety that often accompany life changes. They let you connect with professional support right from your home, offering both convenience and privacy. This means you can fit therapy into your life without worrying about commuting or sitting in a waiting room, making the whole experience feel much more manageable.

Many of these platforms rely on well-established methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness exercises. These approaches can help you pinpoint stress triggers, shift negative thought patterns, and build emotional strength. With these tools, you’re better equipped to face change with a sense of calm and confidence, making it easier to adjust and move forward.