If you’ve ever felt stuck or unsure of what to say in therapy, you’re not alone. Silence in therapy is common and can even be helpful. Here’s how to navigate those moments:
- Why It Happens: Silence can stem from emotional processing, anxiety, or uncertainty about what to discuss.
- How It Helps: Pauses allow for reflection, deeper emotions, and self-awareness.
- What You Can Do:
- Prepare by journaling or using prompts like “Today I feel…” or “What’s on my mind is…”
- Use starter phrases such as “I’m not sure where to start” or “I’ve been thinking about…”
- Acknowledge the silence by saying, “I notice the quiet, and I’m feeling stuck.”
- Try mindfulness or body scans to identify emotions you can share.
Silence isn’t a failure – it’s a chance to reflect and grow. Use these strategies to turn quiet moments into opportunities for insight and progress.
Why Staying Silent in Therapy Is Costing You More Than You Think
Why People Go Silent in Therapy
Quiet moments during therapy sessions are a normal part of the process. Research shows that these silences can last anywhere from a fraction of a second to over 24 seconds.
Types of Silence: Helpful and Challenging
Silence in therapy can serve different purposes, each with its own characteristics:
| Type of Silence | Purpose | Common Signs |
|---|---|---|
| Productive | Allows emotional processing | Deep breathing, thoughtful expressions |
| Reflective | Encourages insight and self-awareness | Eye contact, engaged posture |
| Resistant | Used to avoid certain topics | Fidgeting, looking away |
| Anxious | Stems from fear of judgment | Tense body language, rapid breathing |
While these categories help identify the nature of silence, they also highlight how these moments contribute to emotional exploration and understanding.
How Silence Supports Emotional Processing
Pauses in conversation create space to process intense emotions and gain clarity. These quiet intervals often deepen understanding and foster a stronger emotional connection with oneself.
Social Perceptions of Silence
In many cultures, constant conversation is seen as the norm, making silence feel awkward or uncomfortable. From a young age, we’re taught to fill these gaps quickly. However, in therapy, silence takes on a different role – it becomes a tool for introspection and emotional growth.
"Breaking the universal rule around turn-taking in conversation is anxiety provoking. We are conditioned from the time we first learned to communicate to keep talking. When conversation lapses for more than that 200 milliseconds, most people feel compelled to relieve mounting tension by filling in the gaps. A new therapist’s task is to work through whatever anxiety he or she has about letting conversation lag."
– Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, EdD
Therapists are trained to embrace these quiet moments, recognizing their potential for meaningful progress. Michael R. Jackson, PhD, shares his perspective:
"Looking back over the silences I have shared with my clients, I am struck by how full and how varied they have been – each with its own special meaning: anxiety, sadness, recalcitrance, closeness, and speechless perplexity, to name a few. Each one is different, and each can lead, potentially, to a greater understanding of the client."
– Michael R. Jackson, PhD
Acknowledging the role of silence can help you prepare for therapy sessions and communicate more effectively. These quiet moments, while sometimes uncomfortable, often pave the way for deeper insights and progress.
Getting Ready for Your Session
Preparing for therapy can make your sessions more productive, even when you’re unsure of what to say.
Writing Prompts Before Sessions
Journaling before therapy can help you uncover key topics and recognize emotional trends. Using specific prompts can guide your self-reflection. Here are some ideas:
| Focus Area | Sample Prompts | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| Emotional Check-In | "Today I feel…" "What’s weighing on my mind is…" | Helps identify your current emotional state |
| Weekly Review | "The most challenging moment this week…" "I felt proud when…" | Highlights significant events of the week |
| Relationship Dynamics | "My interactions with others made me feel…" "I wish I could tell someone…" | Explores patterns in your relationships |
| Future Goals | "One small step I can take is…" "What’s holding me back from…" | Clarifies personal goals and obstacles |
Pairing journaling with mindfulness can deepen your insights. Paying attention to your body is another way to uncover emotions you might not notice right away.
Body Check-In Methods
Therapist Bari Tessler emphasizes the value of body check-ins for calming nerves and identifying emotions. Here’s how to get started:
- Start with deep breathing
Take three slow breaths, focusing on longer exhales to relax your body. - Practice a body scan
Shift your attention through different areas of your body, noticing:- Tension in areas like your jaw or shoulders
- Sensations in your chest or stomach
- Where you feel comfortable or tense
- Any physical signs of emotions, such as a tight throat when feeling anxious
- Acknowledge your emotions
As you notice feelings during the scan, simply observe them without trying to change anything. This awareness can give you valuable insights to share during your session.
Using Televero Health‘s Online Tools
Modern tools can enhance your therapy preparation. Televero Health offers features designed to support you between sessions:
- Mood Tracker: Record your daily emotional states to spot patterns over time.
- Session Notes: Jot down thoughts or questions as they arise.
- Appointment Reminders: Get notifications with built-in prompts to help you prepare.
- Secure Messaging: Send quick notes to your therapist about topics you’d like to discuss.
These tools make it easier to organize your thoughts and identify recurring themes in your emotional well-being. Accessible from any device, they help you approach each session with clarity and confidence, even when words don’t come easily.
sbb-itb-e6bfb1d
Ways to Start Talking
When words seem out of reach, these strategies can help you break the silence and begin to express yourself.
Starter Phrases That Work
Sometimes, starting a conversation is as simple as using a few key phrases. Here are some examples to help you get started:
| Purpose | Helpful Phrases | When to Use |
|---|---|---|
| Express Uncertainty | "I’m not sure where to start today." "I’m having trouble putting my thoughts into words." |
When you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed. |
| Share Recent Events | "Something happened this week that…" "I’ve been thinking about…" |
When you want to bring up a specific situation. |
| Describe Emotions | "I’m feeling [emotion] today, but I’m not sure why." "My mood has been…" |
When you notice emotional shifts. |
| Address Concerns | "I’ve been worried about discussing…" "I keep coming back to…" |
When certain issues are on your mind. |
If these phrases don’t fully express what you’re feeling, consider addressing the quiet moments themselves.
Discussing the Silence Itself
Silence in therapy isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it can be a space to process emotions and thoughts. If the silence feels uncomfortable, try naming it directly. For example, you might say, "I notice the silence between us", or, "I’m feeling stuck, and that’s making me uncomfortable." Therapists often use these pauses to reflect, so pay attention to what comes to mind during these moments.
Speaking Without Words
When words fail, your body can still communicate volumes. Just as body check-ins can reveal unspoken emotions, nonverbal cues during therapy provide important insights. Research shows that nonverbal communication, like facial expressions and gestures, plays a significant role in how we convey feelings.
For instance, consider this clinical example: Mrs. Jones, feeling anxious, avoided eye contact, fidgeted, and had sweaty palms. When certain topics arose, she crossed her arms or handled nearby objects. These behaviors helped her therapist understand her concerns even before she verbalized them.
Even in virtual therapy settings, like those offered by Televero Health, nonverbal cues remain essential. Video sessions allow therapists to observe your full range of expressions, ensuring they can respond to both your spoken and unspoken messages.
After-Session Review
Reflecting on your therapy sessions and tracking your progress between appointments can deepen your understanding and enhance your overall experience.
Session Review Steps
Taking time to review your therapy sessions can uncover recurring patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The American Psychological Association highlights that client feedback plays a key role in achieving successful therapeutic outcomes. To make the most of your post-session reflections, focus on these areas:
| Review Area | Questions to Consider | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| Communication | What felt easy or hard to express? Were any topics uncomfortable? |
Spot communication patterns and barriers |
| Body Language | What physical reactions did you notice? When did you feel tense? |
Identify nonverbal cues and triggers |
| Emotions | What feelings came up during silences? Were any emotions hard to name? |
Recognize emotional patterns |
| Insights | What new realizations did you have? What needs further exploration? |
Track growth and areas for deeper discussion |
By reflecting on these aspects after each session, you can better understand your progress and identify areas that may need more attention in future conversations.
Measuring Your Progress
Once you’ve reviewed your sessions, tracking your progress regularly can help you notice even the smallest changes. Modern tools make this easier and more effective.
"This has been an extremely useful app to both me and my psychiatrist…tracking my symptoms became a breeze and relaying info to my psych is so easy." – jessicaml1234
Consistent documentation is key. Many clients find mood tracking apps particularly helpful for monitoring daily emotional shifts and sleep patterns. Here are a few ways to document your progress:
- Write short daily mood logs
- Note which techniques helped you communicate or process emotions
- Track physical reactions to challenging topics
Sharing these records with your therapist can shape future sessions and highlight your growth. Even small victories – like naming a difficult emotion or becoming more comfortable with silence – are meaningful milestones in your therapeutic journey.
Conclusion
Feeling unsure about what to say in therapy is a common part of the process. In fact, silence can be a powerful tool for growth and self-awareness. As Jaleesa Pirtle, LCPC, puts it:
"Silence, in concept, refers to the intentional absence of words or sound. Silence plays a significant role in therapy and in communication in general. In general terms of communication it can create space for reflection, understanding and connection. It also allows individuals to process before responding."
The strategies we’ve explored can help transform those uncertain moments into opportunities for meaningful dialogue. Hannah Yang, Psy.D, highlights the value of these quiet moments:
"When a therapist remains silent, it allows the individual to explore their inner experiences and gain insights into their own thoughts and feelings."
Every therapy journey is unique. Some days, words come effortlessly; on others, silence speaks volumes. By using tools like pre-session journaling or reflecting after your session, you can turn silence into a chance for personal insight and growth.
Think of silence not as a roadblock, but as a pathway to deeper understanding. Embrace those moments, and use the communication strategies we’ve discussed to make the most of your therapy experience. Silence isn’t a setback – it’s a step forward in uncovering your true self.
FAQs
What should I do if I don’t know what to talk about in therapy?
It’s completely normal to feel uncertain about what to bring up in therapy. A good starting point is to think about your therapy goals or any challenges you’ve been dealing with lately. Reflect on moments from the past week that stood out – whether they brought joy, frustration, or left you feeling puzzled.
If you’re still unsure, it’s okay to share exactly how you’re feeling at that moment. Whether you’re nervous, stuck, or unsure, simply saying something like, "I don’t know what to talk about today," can be enough to get the conversation flowing. Therapists are skilled at helping guide discussions, so there’s no pressure to have it all figured out. Therapy is a place for exploration, not perfection – there’s no wrong way to start.
What can I do if I feel stuck or don’t know what to say during therapy?
Feeling unsure about what to say in therapy? That’s completely normal, and it’s absolutely okay to let your therapist know. Sometimes, simply admitting that you’re feeling stuck can lead to a meaningful discussion.
If the silence feels a bit awkward, here are a few ways to break the ice:
- Look back on your week: Share any recent events, emotions, or challenges you’ve faced – even the ones that seem minor.
- Talk about therapy itself: Open up about how you’re feeling about the process or any expectations you might have.
- Ask for guidance: You could say something like, “I’m not sure where to begin,” or ask, “Can you help me figure out where to start?” Therapists are there to guide you and can help direct the conversation.
Therapy is your space to explore thoughts and feelings at your own pace. Silence isn’t something to fear – it can be a moment for reflection, and you don’t always need to fill it with words.
How can journaling and body check-ins help me get more out of therapy?
Journaling and body check-ins can be incredibly helpful in getting more out of your therapy sessions. Journaling gives you a chance to dive into your thoughts and emotions, helping you track patterns and pinpoint areas you want to explore further with your therapist. It’s also a great way to process what you’re feeling between sessions and figure out what’s most pressing to address.
Body check-ins, on the other hand, focus on tuning into your physical sensations – whether it’s tension, discomfort, or even a sense of calm – and linking them to your emotional state. For instance, noticing tightness in your chest could be a sign of stress or anxiety. By bringing these observations into therapy, you can spark deeper conversations and build a stronger connection between your mind and body.
Both practices promote mindfulness and self-awareness, making it easier to express yourself clearly and maximize the benefits of your therapy.