Opening up in therapy can sometimes make you feel worse before you feel better. This isn’t unusual, especially if you’re new to therapy or discussing painful topics. Emotional discomfort often signals progress, but it can also feel overwhelming. Virtual therapy adds unique challenges, like technical issues and reduced nonverbal communication, which can amplify these feelings.
Here’s how to manage:
- Set boundaries: Discuss limits with your therapist, like focusing on tough topics earlier in the session.
- Use calming techniques: Try breathing exercises, grounding methods, or progressive muscle relaxation during or after sessions.
- Communicate openly: Share specific concerns with your therapist to adjust the approach.
- Optimize your space: Create a private, comfortable environment for virtual sessions to improve focus and comfort.
Therapy is a process, and moments of discomfort often lead to growth. By addressing challenges head-on and prioritizing self-care, you can make therapy a more supportive experience.
What if healing or therapy makes me feel worse?
How Virtual Therapy Can Affect Your Emotions
Virtual therapy has its conveniences, but it also comes with challenges that can make emotional discomfort more pronounced. The digital format introduces barriers that don’t exist in traditional face-to-face sessions, which can impact the therapeutic experience in unexpected ways.
Common Problems with Virtual Therapy
One of the biggest hurdles in virtual therapy is the loss of nonverbal communication. Subtle cues like body language and facial expressions play a critical role in building understanding and connection between you and your therapist. Without these, it can be harder for you to express yourself fully or for your therapist to accurately gauge your emotional state. In fact, during the early days of the pandemic, 52.3% of therapists identified "emotional connection" as a significant challenge, and 53.9% expressed concerns about clients’ privacy.
Technical hiccups – like poor internet connections, platform glitches, or unfamiliarity with the technology – can disrupt the flow of a session. These interruptions not only create frustration but also make it harder to share vulnerable thoughts or stay engaged.
Privacy at home is another concern. Unlike the controlled environment of a therapist’s office, your home may not offer the same neutral, safe space. Interruptions, the fear of being overheard, or even everyday household distractions like a ringing phone or noisy background can make it harder to focus and fully engage in the session.
Why Talking About Problems Can Feel Overwhelming
Discussing painful or sensitive topics can feel even more isolating in a virtual setting. Without the comforting presence and nonverbal reassurances of in-person interaction, emotional disconnection can happen more easily. This, combined with potential distractions, can make conversations feel less intimate and hinder your ability to process complex emotions.
For those dealing with issues like trauma or relational struggles, the lack of physical presence can be especially challenging. A sense of safety is crucial for healing, and the digital format may not always provide the same level of comfort. People with complex relational trauma, in particular, may find it harder to feel secure and understood in a virtual setting.
There’s also the perception that therapists are less attentive during virtual sessions. Some patients report needing to repeat or clarify their thoughts more often, which can add to feelings of frustration or misunderstanding. When you combine these factors – reduced connection, limited nonverbal cues, and environmental distractions – it’s understandable that virtual therapy might sometimes leave you feeling more drained than supported after a session.
How to Handle Difficult Emotions During Therapy
Therapy can sometimes stir up intense emotions, leaving you feeling unsettled or overwhelmed. Having a plan to manage these feelings can help you stay grounded and make the most of your sessions. Here are some practical ways to navigate these moments.
How to Set Limits During Your Sessions
Establishing boundaries in therapy is essential for creating a sense of safety and control. Clear boundaries not only build trust but also empower you to advocate for your needs.
"Boundaries with clients define the parameters of the therapeutic relationship, which can help clients feel more secure and stable in the sessions." – Melanie Donohue, LCSW
Start by discussing time boundaries with your therapist. If certain topics are especially difficult, consider addressing them earlier in the session. This gives you time to process and regain balance before the session ends.
Communication boundaries are just as important. Be open about what feels overwhelming. For example, you might say, "I need a moment to process this", or "Can we slow down? I’m finding it hard to keep up." Practicing assertiveness in these moments allows you to express your needs while maintaining a positive therapeutic relationship. Though it may feel awkward at first, setting boundaries becomes easier with practice and can reduce feelings of guilt over time.
Once you’ve set limits, having calming techniques in your toolbox can help you manage emotions as they arise.
Simple Techniques to Calm Yourself Down
When emotions run high during therapy, grounding and relaxation techniques can help you regain control. These methods are designed to calm your body and mind in real time.
Breathing exercises are a quick and effective way to reduce stress. Try square breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds before repeating.
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is another helpful tool. It shifts your focus to the present by engaging your senses. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
For physical tension, the butterfly hug can provide comfort. Cross your hands over your chest and gently tap your shoulders alternately while taking slow, deep breaths.
Another effective method is progressive muscle relaxation, which involves tensing and releasing different muscle groups. For example, tense your shoulders for 5 seconds, then release and notice the difference. Repeat this process with other areas, like your jaw, hands, or legs.
| Technique | How to Do It | When to Use |
|---|---|---|
| Square Breathing | Inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds | When feeling anxious or overwhelmed |
| 5-4-3-2-1 Method | Identify 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste | When anxiety or disconnection strikes |
| Butterfly Hug | Cross hands over chest, tap shoulders alternately while breathing deeply | When needing self-comfort and grounding |
How to Talk to Your Therapist About Your Concerns
Once you’ve set boundaries and practiced calming techniques, it’s important to communicate openly with your therapist about your experience. Honest conversations can help your therapist adapt their approach to better meet your needs.
Be specific when discussing your concerns. Instead of saying, "Therapy is making me feel worse", try something like, "I notice I feel anxious for hours after sessions, especially when we discuss my childhood." This gives your therapist clear insights to work with.
You can also request specific accommodations. For instance, ask your therapist to check in more frequently during sessions by asking, "How are you feeling right now?" Or suggest incorporating new coping strategies or trying different therapeutic approaches.
While it’s normal to feel uncomfortable at times during therapy, overwhelming distress shouldn’t dominate your experience. Your therapist can help you differentiate between discomfort that leads to growth and distress that feels unmanageable.
If you feel your concerns aren’t being addressed after multiple discussions, consider exploring adjustments to your treatment plan or whether virtual therapy is the best fit for you at this time. Developing self-soothing skills – tools to regain balance after emotional moments – should be a collaborative effort with your therapist. By integrating these strategies into your sessions, therapy can become a safer and more productive space for your mental health journey.
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Making Virtual Therapy Work Better for You
When it comes to managing tough emotions, virtual therapy offers unique opportunities to enhance your experience. Many people find that the physical distance of virtual sessions makes it easier to open up about sensitive topics. Quiana highlights this, saying, "Some people have more courage when able to sit behind a screen." Similarly, Haley observes, "They can share more of themselves just being in their homes. And are more willing to take emotional risks." These benefits lay the groundwork for creating a meaningful connection and setting up an environment that supports your therapy journey.
Building Trust with Your Therapist Online
Trust is the foundation of any therapeutic relationship, whether online or in person. In virtual therapy, small actions can go a long way toward building that connection. Engage with your therapist by looking at the camera, nodding, or offering short affirmations during the session. On the therapist’s side, being fully present, attentive, and maintaining a consistent session structure fosters a sense of reliability and safety.
Maya Angelou’s words capture this idea beautifully: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." If you ever feel disconnected or find certain topics triggering, let your therapist know. Honest feedback can help tailor the sessions to your needs. Keeping a therapy journal to jot down thoughts, feelings, or questions between sessions can also deepen your connection and make your time together more productive.
Setting Up Your Space for Therapy Sessions
Your physical environment plays a big role in how effective your virtual therapy sessions can be. A well-prepared space helps you feel more at ease and focused. Here are a few tips to create the right atmosphere:
- Pick a quiet, private spot where you won’t be interrupted, and let others know when your session is scheduled.
- Use soft, warm lighting or natural light to create a comfortable setting, avoiding harsh backlighting.
- Turn off notifications, close unnecessary tabs, and minimize distractions.
- Add comforting touches like pillows, a cozy blanket, plants, or calming artwork. Some people enjoy gentle background music or the soothing scent of essential oils from a diffuser.
- Check your internet connection, camera, microphone, and device battery ahead of time to avoid technical hiccups.
- Personalize your space with items that bring you comfort or a sense of familiarity.
A peaceful, private, and organized environment can make it easier to relax and fully engage in your sessions. By creating a space that feels safe and inviting, you set the stage for a more open and effective virtual therapy experience.
Conclusion: Keeping Therapy Helpful and Safe
As we’ve explored, feeling worse after discussing tough topics in therapy is often part of the healing process. The strategies shared earlier can help you navigate these moments with greater confidence.
When something feels difficult to share, use clear and honest language like, "This is hard for me to talk about, but I think it’s important." This helps your therapist understand your perspective and provide the right support.
Setting healthy boundaries is key to a positive therapeutic relationship. If a session feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for a break, slow things down, or express concerns about techniques that don’t feel right for you. Therapy works best as a partnership, where your voice and insights are valued.
After each session, take a few minutes to care for yourself. Simple actions like journaling, taking a warm shower, or practicing deep breathing can help you process emotions and reinforce the progress you’re making.
Building a strong connection with your therapist takes time, especially in virtual settings. Be patient with yourself as you learn to communicate effectively. Taking notes between sessions or asking for clarification on techniques can deepen your understanding and strengthen your relationship with your therapist.
Above all, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, share your concerns with your therapist. While their expertise is valuable, your personal experience is just as important. By staying engaged, speaking openly, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a therapy experience that feels both safe and supportive as you continue your mental health journey.
FAQs
How can I tell if feeling uncomfortable in therapy is helpful or harmful?
Feeling uneasy during therapy isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can sometimes signal growth. This kind of discomfort, often called productive discomfort, arises when you’re working through tough emotions or memories. It’s challenging, yes, but it’s also manageable and serves a purpose – like helping you gain deeper self-awareness or address unresolved issues.
However, there’s a big difference between productive discomfort and feeling overwhelmed. When you’re overwhelmed, the emotional intensity can feel like too much to handle. You might feel anxious, helpless, or like you’re losing control. The distinction lies in how it feels: productive discomfort has a sense of purpose and remains within your ability to manage, while overwhelm can make therapy feel like it’s spiraling out of reach.
If you’re unsure which one you’re experiencing, talk to your therapist. They can help you sort through these emotions and adjust the pace of your sessions to keep therapy a safe and supportive space.
How can I create a private and distraction-free space for virtual therapy?
To get the most out of your virtual therapy sessions, pick a quiet, private space where interruptions are unlikely. Inform anyone you live with about your session schedule so they can steer clear during that time. Silence notifications on your devices to maintain focus, and using headphones can help protect your privacy while reducing any background noise. If distractions are hard to avoid, consider practicing grounding exercises like deep breathing beforehand to help you feel calm and centered.
What should I do if talking about my feelings in therapy makes me feel worse?
It’s completely natural to feel uneasy or overwhelmed when diving into tough emotions during therapy, especially in virtual sessions. To navigate these feelings, start by setting clear boundaries about what you’re comfortable discussing and let your therapist know if certain topics feel overwhelming. Using grounding techniques – like deep breathing or paying attention to your surroundings – can help you stay focused and anchored in the moment during emotional conversations. Most importantly, be open about your concerns with your therapist. They can adjust their approach to ensure your sessions feel safe and constructive. Remember, therapy works best as a team effort, and your comfort plays a key role in making meaningful progress.