What If I Tried Therapy Before and It Didn’t Work?

Tried therapy before and felt it didn’t work? You’re not alone. Many people face challenges in finding the right fit, but that doesn’t mean therapy can’t help. Here’s why past attempts might have fallen short and how to make it work this time:

Wrong therapist match: The connection with your therapist is crucial. A mismatch in style, expertise, or communication can hinder progress.
Unclear goals: Without specific goals, therapy can feel aimless. Clear objectives help track progress and stay motivated.
Fear of opening up: Vulnerability is hard but essential for growth. Resistance or fear of judgment may have held you back.

How to Succeed This Time:

Reflect on past experiences: Identify what didn’t work and what you need now.
Choose the right therapist: Look for someone whose style and expertise align with your needs.
Explore new methods: Try different approaches like CBT, DBT, or virtual therapy for convenience.
Be proactive: Prepare for sessions, set goals, and give honest feedback to your therapist.

Starting fresh can feel intimidating, but with the right approach, therapy can be a powerful tool for growth and healing.

Giving up on therapy? Here’s what you need to hear.

Why Therapy May Have Failed Before

Reflecting on why therapy might not have worked in the past can help you sidestep similar challenges in the future. Studies highlight that the relationship between therapist and client is crucial – when this connection doesn’t click, it can significantly impact your experience. Let’s break down some common reasons therapy might not have met your expectations, from mismatched therapists to personal hurdles that made it hard to fully engage.

Wrong Therapist Match

The bond you share with your therapist plays a bigger role in your progress than you might realize. A mismatch in this dynamic can halt progress before it even begins.

Sometimes, a poor match shows up as inadequate listening, a lack of empathy, or the therapist pushing their own agenda. In more severe cases, unethical behavior – like breaching confidentiality or inappropriate relationships – should never be tolerated.

"That’s the most critical thing, that you actually feel like the therapist gets you and that you feel a connection to your therapist."
– Tami Zak, Licensed Mental Health Professional with Grow Therapy

Feeling judged, shamed, or invalidated during sessions can also signal a poor fit. Sometimes, it’s not about personality differences but rather the therapist lacking the necessary expertise to address your unique concerns.

The upside? Mismatches can often be addressed. Tami Zak suggests being open about your discomfort: "If you’re uncomfortable, share your experience and see how the therapist responds. If you feel that the therapist responds defensively, this may not be the right fit". A good therapist will welcome your feedback and adapt their approach when needed.

Unclear Goals and Expectations

Without clear goals, therapy can feel aimless. A lack of direction makes it hard to track progress or stay motivated. Research shows that nearly 25% of patients felt their therapy lacked initial goal-setting, and 30% said their goals were only occasionally discussed during sessions.

When goals are vague, therapy risks becoming more about talking than actively working toward solutions. Studies reveal that frequent shifts in treatment objectives are often linked to poorer outcomes. Effective therapy thrives on a shared understanding between you and your therapist about what you’re working toward and how you’ll get there.

But unclear goals aren’t the only obstacle – personal hesitations can also hold you back.

Fear of Opening Up or Making Changes

Therapy requires vulnerability, and that can be daunting. If you weren’t ready to face emotional risks or make changes in the past, it might have limited your progress. This hesitation is a natural response to the challenges of self-exploration.

Research shows that vulnerability lies at the heart of shame, fear, and self-doubt, but it’s also essential for building connection and fostering growth. Avoiding vulnerability can leave you feeling isolated or misunderstood, making it harder to ask for help. Feelings of shame, often triggered by vulnerability, can lead to beliefs that you’re not enough.

Resistance – whether conscious or unconscious – can also get in the way. You might have found yourself rejecting your therapist’s approach, techniques, or even their choice of words. This kind of resistance is more common than you might think.

"Vulnerability is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty. Learning how to be vulnerable involves a willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved."
– Lisa Fritscher

Fear of judgment can be particularly paralyzing. If you held back during sessions, worried about what your therapist might think, you’re not alone. Healing requires openness, but creating the right environment for that openness takes time and courage. Recognizing these barriers is a crucial first step toward overcoming them in the future. With time, your readiness for therapy can grow, paving the way for a more effective and personalized experience ahead.

How to Choose the Right Therapy Approach

Once you’ve identified past challenges, the next step is finding a therapist and therapy style that align with your needs. The bond you share with your therapist is the cornerstone of successful therapy. In fact, research highlights that this connection often outweighs other factors in determining positive outcomes. As licensed therapist Emily Maynard explains:

"I tell friends that they should like talking to their therapist and feel like their therapist likes talking to them, because a strong relationship will generally lead to better outcomes".

Finding the Right Therapist

Start by identifying your priorities – things like gender, age, background, or communication style – and match them to your specific concerns. For example, a young professional experiencing workplace stress might feel more comfortable with a therapist who understands career-related anxiety.

Take advantage of free 15-minute consultations to assess their expertise, session structure, and practical details like availability, cancellation policies, insurance coverage, and the quality of virtual sessions. Dr. Matthew Boland, a licensed clinical psychologist, encourages clients to ask questions:

"Sometimes individuals believe they need to hold back on requesting certain information from mental health service providers. But client/patient rights allow for getting all your questions and concerns met".

Trust your instincts during this process. Feeling safe, understood, and comfortable is critical. Theresa Nguyen, chief research officer at Mental Health America, emphasizes:

"It’s such an intimate experience. It’s unlike finding any other doctor".

Once you’ve found a therapist who feels like a good fit, it’s time to explore the therapy methods that align with your goals.

Different Types of Therapy Methods

To choose the right approach, start by identifying your top three concerns. Then, consider which therapy method is best suited to address them:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This method focuses on breaking negative thought patterns and behaviors through structured, goal-oriented sessions with measurable progress.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Ideal for managing intense emotions or self-destructive behaviors, DBT teaches skills for emotional regulation, mindfulness, and distress tolerance.
Psychodynamic Therapy: This approach delves into how past experiences influence your current relationships and decisions.
Humanistic/Experiential Therapy: Centered on personal growth, this method uses the therapist-client relationship as a tool for healing.

Many therapists use a blend of techniques, so you’re not limited to just one approach. Ashley Peña, LCSW and executive director at Mission Connection, encourages flexibility:

"Begin with openness; often, initial concerns only hint at deeper issues".

Using Virtual Therapy for Better Access

If you’ve ever struggled with therapy due to challenges like long distances, tight schedules, or unreliable transportation, virtual therapy could be the solution you’ve been waiting for. By tackling these logistical hurdles, online therapy platforms have reshaped mental healthcare, making it easier for people to receive consistent and effective treatment.

Benefits of Online Therapy Platforms

Virtual therapy eliminates the geographical limits that often restrict your choice of therapists. Instead of being confined to providers within driving distance, you can connect with licensed professionals who specialize in your needs. This is particularly important for those in rural areas – 8.6 million Americans live more than 30 minutes away from the nearest hospital.

Convenience is another major perk. Dr. Adam Solomon, Chief Medical Officer at MemorialCare Medical Foundation, explains:

"You don’t need to drive to the office, don’t need to find or pay for parking, and don’t need to wait in a waiting room. These types of visits can be specially useful for minor illnesses that don’t need much of a physical exam."

For busy parents, professionals, or anyone juggling a packed schedule, virtual therapy often offers flexible options, including evening and weekend appointments. Research even shows that virtual sessions tend to have higher attendance rates compared to in-person visits. Additionally, online therapy is a lifeline for individuals with physical disabilities, chronic illnesses, or mobility challenges. It also provides the comfort and privacy that many find essential for open communication.

From a financial perspective, virtual therapy can be more affordable. Therapists often face lower overhead costs, and clients save on travel expenses. Many insurance plans now cover virtual therapy just like traditional in-person sessions. When selecting a platform, ensure it’s HIPAA-compliant – services like Televero Health prioritize your privacy and security. These advantages make virtual therapy a convenient and accessible option for many.

Setting Up Your Home Therapy Space

To get the most out of virtual therapy, creating a calm and distraction-free environment is key. Dr. Adam Licurse, Primary Care Physician and Executive Director of Virtual Care at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, advises:

"If possible, we want people to recreate the environment they have when they come into a practice. Go someplace quiet, shut the door, and let the people around you know you are discussing your health."

Pick a quiet spot like a bedroom, home office, or even a parked car. If you share your living space, communicate your needs clearly. As Courtney Campbell from Clark University suggests:

"Just communicate with people. People can be more accommodating than we expect them to be at times."

To enhance privacy, consider using a "Do Not Disturb" sign, wear headphones, and schedule sessions when your surroundings are quieter. Headphones not only ensure clear audio but also help maintain confidentiality.

Reduce background noise by choosing a carpeted room and using simple soundproofing tricks, like placing a towel under the door. Playing white noise or soft music in nearby areas can also help mask sounds [45, 48].

Finally, limit distractions by turning off phone notifications, closing unnecessary browser tabs, and setting up comforting touches like a cozy blanket or a cup of tea. Small rituals – such as deep breathing, a short meditation, or journaling – before and after sessions can help you mentally prepare and process your therapy experience. Also, make sure your therapist is licensed and covered by your insurance for a seamless experience.

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How to Make Therapy Work This Time

Now that you’ve tackled potential obstacles and chosen a therapeutic approach that fits, it’s time to focus on making your therapy sessions truly effective. Success in therapy often comes down to preparation and active participation. Here’s how to make the most of every session.

Getting Ready for Each Session

Preparation can make a big difference in how much you gain from therapy. Psychologist Rochelle Frank emphasizes that taking a proactive approach can be therapeutic in itself.

Keep a brief journal: Jot down key events, emotions, or patterns you notice between sessions. This helps focus the discussion on what matters most.
Set clear goals: Before each session, pinpoint one or two specific challenges you want to address. This gives the conversation direction and purpose.
Choose a calm moment: Schedule your session during a low-stress time, and take a minute beforehand to center yourself.
Be specific: Instead of general statements like “I feel anxious,” try describing exactly when and how your anxiety shows up. Concrete examples make it easier to dig into the root of the issue.

These steps help overcome common hurdles like unclear goals or difficulty being vulnerable, setting the stage for more productive sessions.

Building a Good Relationship with Your Therapist

Once you’re prepared, focusing on your relationship with your therapist can amplify your progress. A strong connection with your therapist is the backbone of effective therapy. Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC, a Talkspace therapist, explains:

"It takes time to build a relationship with a new client. It is important to validate a client’s thoughts and feelings so that they share more about their life. Building rapport fosters trust and comfort over time".

Be honest and open: Share your genuine thoughts and feelings, even if they include doubts or challenges. This transparency helps your therapist tailor their approach to your needs.
Collaborate on your treatment: Actively participate in discussions about your care plan and goals. When you and your therapist are on the same page, therapy becomes more effective.
Start small if needed: If opening up feels intimidating, begin with less personal issues and gradually work toward deeper topics as trust builds.
Practice outside of sessions: Use daily situations to apply the strategies and insights you’ve gained in therapy. Real-life practice reinforces progress.
Give feedback: Reflect on each session and share your thoughts with your therapist. Honest feedback can strengthen the process and help fine-tune your treatment.

Conclusion: Taking the Next Step Forward

Your previous therapy experiences don’t have to dictate what lies ahead in your mental health journey. Instead, those experiences – both the successes and the struggles – can become valuable stepping stones toward building a stronger, more supportive therapeutic relationship.

Take some time to reflect on what didn’t work before. Was communication unclear? Were your goals too vague? Did you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Identifying these challenges can help you create a list of discussion points to address with your next therapist. This kind of reflection not only helps you process past experiences but also gives you a solid starting point for future conversations.

From there, think about what you need from therapy right now. Are you looking to tackle a specific issue, learn new coping strategies, or simply have a safe space to navigate life’s challenges? Consider whether you’d prefer a therapist with a similar style to your previous one or if you’re ready to explore a different approach. Having a clear idea of your needs will make it easier to communicate your expectations and goals.

When you connect with a new therapist, don’t shy away from sharing your past experiences. Let them know what didn’t work for you – it can help them tailor their approach to better suit your needs. Starting over may feel risky, but it’s also an opportunity to build a trusting and productive relationship that truly supports your growth.

If in-person therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, it might be worth exploring virtual therapy options, like those offered through Televero Health. Online sessions provide the convenience of meeting with licensed professionals from your own home, removing some of the logistical barriers that may have complicated your previous experiences.

Choosing to try therapy again, even after setbacks, shows your resilience and dedication to your well-being. With thoughtful preparation, clear expectations, and the right therapist, this next chapter in your journey could be the fresh start you’ve been searching for.

FAQs

How do I know if a therapist is the right fit for me?

Finding the right therapist can make all the difference in your therapy journey. The first step is to assess how comfortable you feel with them. Do you feel heard, understood, and genuinely supported? Building trust and maintaining open communication are essential for a successful therapeutic relationship.

It’s also worth asking about their therapeutic style to see if it matches what you’re looking for. Some therapists focus on structured, goal-driven techniques, while others emphasize deep self-reflection and exploration. Equally important is whether they show an understanding of your background – this might include your cultural identity, gender, or personal values.

A great therapist will also encourage collaboration, inviting your input and feedback throughout the process. If you feel safe sharing your thoughts and emotions and sense that they’re truly invested in your progress, that’s a strong indicator you’ve found a good match.

How can I set clear and effective goals for therapy?

Setting Clear Goals in Therapy

Having clear goals in therapy gives you direction and helps you track your progress in a meaningful way. Start by thinking about the bigger picture – what are the main challenges you want to tackle, or what changes are you hoping to see in your life? Once you’ve identified these broader areas, break them down into more specific and measurable objectives.

One effective method for creating these goals is the SMART criteria: make sure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This approach makes your goals easier to work toward and keeps them grounded in reality.

It’s important to work hand-in-hand with your therapist when setting these goals. They can help tailor your objectives to fit your unique needs and circumstances, offering insights and strategies to keep you on track. Plus, this collaborative process keeps you actively involved and motivated. And don’t worry if your goals need tweaking – therapy is a journey, and it’s natural for your priorities to evolve as you grow.

What if in-person therapy didn’t work for me? Can virtual therapy help?

Virtual therapy offers solutions to some of the hurdles that can come with traditional, in-person sessions. One of its biggest perks is flexibility – you can join sessions right from home, cutting out the hassle of travel. This not only saves time but can also make it easier to fit therapy into a busy schedule without the added stress of commuting.

Another advantage is the sense of comfort and privacy it provides. Being in your own space might make it easier to open up about sensitive topics, creating a more relaxed and secure environment. Plus, the ease of access to virtual sessions often encourages consistent attendance, which can play a key role in staying engaged and progressing toward your goals.

If in-person therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, virtual therapy could be a fresh and more adaptable option that aligns better with your needs and lifestyle.