The Questions You’re Afraid to Ask Your Therapist (But Should)

There’s a knot in your stomach as the question forms in your mind. You wonder if it’s inappropriate, unprofessional, or just plain awkward. So you swallow it down and let the moment pass, left wondering what the answer might have been.

At Televero Health, therapists tell us this happens all the time. Clients hold back important questions because they’re worried about crossing a line or sounding naive. Meanwhile, therapists wish their clients felt comfortable asking exactly what’s on their mind, because those questions often lead to the most meaningful work.

The therapeutic relationship is unlike any other in your life. It’s intimate but professional, personal but bounded. It’s no wonder we sometimes feel unsure about what’s okay to ask.

But here’s the truth: most of the questions you’re hesitant to voice are completely appropriate. In fact, asking them often strengthens the therapeutic relationship and deepens the work.

“Are my problems serious enough for therapy?”

This question lurks in the background for many people, especially early in therapy. You might worry your issues seem trivial compared to what others face. You might feel like you’re taking up space someone else needs more.

But therapy isn’t just for people in crisis. It’s for anyone who wants to understand themselves better, feel more at peace, or create positive change in their lives.

Asking this question directly can be powerful. It gives your therapist a chance to validate your experience and address the self-doubt that might be part of your larger pattern. It also reveals something important: a tendency to minimize your own needs or compare your struggles to others’.

There’s no threshold of suffering you need to cross to “deserve” therapy. If something matters to you, it’s worth exploring.

“What do you write in your notes about me?”

You see them jotting things down and wonder: what are they really thinking? What have they noticed that you haven’t said out loud?

Therapists expect this curiosity and are generally happy to explain their note-taking process. Most keep brief notes focused on themes, patterns, and treatment planning—not detailed transcripts of everything you say.

Asking about notes can spark a valuable conversation about transparency in the therapeutic relationship. It can also address any worry that you’re being analyzed or judged in ways you’re not aware of.

Remember: those notes are primarily a tool to help your therapist provide consistent, thoughtful care. And in most places, you have a legal right to view your records if you want to.

“Do you like me as a person?”

This question touches on something fundamental: our desire to be seen and accepted. It might feel too vulnerable to ask directly, but the feeling behind it often affects the therapeutic relationship whether it’s spoken or not.

Most therapists genuinely appreciate their clients and find something to connect with in everyone they work with. But more importantly, they can help you explore what this question means for you:

Do you often worry about being likable?

Do you shape yourself to please others?

Do you believe you need to be liked to be helped?

The question itself can open a door to understanding patterns that might play out in many of your relationships.

“Have you ever dealt with something like this yourself?”

You might wonder about your therapist’s personal experience with the issues you’re discussing. Have they lived through similar struggles? Do they really get it?

Therapists have different approaches to self-disclosure. Some share selectively when they believe it serves the therapeutic process. Others maintain more professional distance.

Either way, asking shows that you’re seeking connection and validation—important human needs. A thoughtful therapist won’t be offended by the question, even if they choose not to share personal details.

They might instead explore what you’re hoping to learn from their answer, and find other ways to show that your experience is understood and respected.

“Am I your most difficult client?”

This question often comes from a fear of being too much, too complicated, or too resistant to change. You might worry that your therapist dreads your sessions or finds you frustrating.

But what looks like “difficulty” to you—intense emotions, complex issues, questioning the process—is often what makes therapy rich and meaningful for both parties.

Asking this directly allows your therapist to address your concerns about being burdensome. It can also reveal important beliefs about how you see yourself in relationships.

Most therapists don’t think in terms of “difficult” clients at all. They see people doing their best with the tools they have, often while facing significant challenges.

“How will I know if therapy is working?”

Therapy can sometimes feel abstract. Progress isn’t always linear or obvious. You might wonder how you’ll know if your time and effort are making a difference.

This question opens an important conversation about expectations and outcomes. A good therapist will help you identify concrete signs of change to look for, while also acknowledging that some of the most significant shifts happen gradually.

They might suggest tracking certain symptoms or behaviors, noticing changes in your relationships, or paying attention to how you handle stress. Having clear markers can help you recognize progress you might otherwise miss.

“What if I don’t think this is working?”

You might worry that questioning the therapy process will hurt your therapist’s feelings or suggest you’re not trying hard enough. But this question is actually helpful for both of you.

It allows your therapist to understand your expectations better and address any misalignment. It opens a conversation about what’s working and what might need adjustment. And it reinforces that therapy is a collaborative process, not something done to you.

A good therapist welcomes this kind of feedback. They know that therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all, and they’re committed to finding an approach that works for you specifically.

Remember: the questions that feel scariest to ask are often the ones most worth voicing. They usually point to something important—a fear, a need, or a pattern that’s significant in your life.

When you bring these questions into the open, you’re not just getting answers. You’re practicing vulnerability, directness, and self-advocacy—skills that serve you well both in and outside of therapy.

Want a therapist you can ask anything? We’ll help you find someone who values your questions, even the difficult ones.