When You Start Avoiding Things You Used to Love

It happens so gradually you barely notice. The book club you’ve stopped attending. The friends you keep canceling on. The hobby that now sits untouched.

At Televero Health, this is often one of the first signs people mention when they realize something’s wrong. “I used to love hiking/painting/cooking/socializing,” they tell us. “Now I can’t seem to make myself do it.” This subtle withdrawal from joy is a quiet warning light – and one worth paying attention to.

Maybe you’ve felt this too. Activities that once energized you now feel exhausting. People you enjoyed now feel overwhelming. Places that brought comfort now seem like too much effort. And instead of the life you used to love, you find yourself in an increasingly narrow routine – work, home, screens, sleep. Repeat.

This pattern has a name: avoidance. And while it often flies under the radar, it can be one of the most telling signs that your mental health needs attention.

Why We Withdraw From Joy

Avoiding things we once loved rarely happens because we’ve simply lost interest. More often, it’s because something about the activity has become uncomfortable, overwhelming, or emotionally complicated.

Sometimes the reason is obvious. After a loss, places and activities that remind you of someone might feel too painful. After a period of stress, social interactions might feel too demanding.

But often, the reason is less clear – even to you. You might just feel a vague sense of dread or fatigue when you think about things you used to enjoy. You might find yourself making excuses: “I’m too busy,” “I’m too tired,” “I’ll go next time.” Until eventually, you stop trying altogether.

This withdrawal can happen for many reasons:

Depression often steals the energy and pleasure from activities
Anxiety can make social situations or leaving home feel overwhelming
Burnout can leave you too depleted to engage with anything beyond necessities
Trauma can make certain places or activities feel unsafe
Relationship changes can complicate activities you used to share with others

Whatever the cause, avoidance typically starts as a way to protect yourself – from discomfort, from overwhelm, from potential pain. In the short term, it works. Staying home instead of going to the party brings immediate relief. Skipping your run eliminates the effort of getting started.

But over time, this protective pattern can become a trap.

The Avoidance Spiral

What begins as occasional avoidance can gradually narrow your life in ways you never intended.

Here’s how it often unfolds:

You avoid something because it feels too difficult. The avoidance brings immediate relief. This relief reinforces the avoidance. The next time, it’s even easier to avoid. The longer you avoid, the more daunting the activity becomes. Eventually, what started as “I don’t feel like going today” becomes “I don’t do that anymore.”

Your world gets smaller. Your comfort zone shrinks. Activities that once felt normal now feel impossible. And the thought of reversing this pattern feels overwhelming in itself.

We’ve seen this spiral affect people in countless ways. The runner who stopped during a stressful period and now feels anxious at the thought of lacing up their shoes. The social butterfly who started declining invitations during a depression and now feels panicky in groups. The traveler who hasn’t left their hometown in years because the thought of planning a trip feels impossible.

If this sounds familiar, please know: this isn’t weakness or laziness. It’s a common human response to discomfort. And it can change.

The Hidden Costs of Avoiding What You Love

While avoidance offers short-term relief, it usually comes with longer-term costs:

First, it can deepen the very problems it tries to protect you from. When you avoid anxiety-provoking situations, your anxiety often grows. When you withdraw socially due to depression, your mood can worsen.

Second, it removes sources of joy, meaning, and connection from your life – the very things that help buffer against stress and support mental health.

Third, it can affect how you see yourself. Many people who find themselves avoiding activities they once loved begin to develop negative beliefs: “I’ve become boring,” “I’m no fun anymore,” “I’ll never be the person I used to be.”

And perhaps most importantly, avoidance can become a lifestyle – a default response that spreads to more and more areas of your life, until you’re living a shadow version of the life you want.

Finding Your Way Back to What Matters

If you’ve been avoiding things you used to love, the path forward isn’t usually about forcing yourself back into old patterns. Instead, it’s about understanding what’s driving the avoidance, addressing the underlying needs, and taking small steps back toward what matters to you.

Therapy can help with each part of this process:

Understanding the avoidance: What are you really avoiding? Is it the activity itself, or something associated with it – social judgment, potential failure, emotional vulnerability? Often, the answer isn’t obvious until you explore it with someone.

Addressing underlying needs: If anxiety is driving your avoidance, you might need tools to manage those feelings. If depression has stolen your motivation, that might need attention first. If past experiences have made certain activities feel unsafe, healing those wounds might be necessary.

Taking small steps: Reclaiming avoided activities usually happens gradually, through small, manageable steps that build confidence and reduce discomfort over time.

We’ve watched many people navigate this journey – the writer who started with five minutes of journaling a day, the former athlete who began with short walks around the block, the social person who reconnected with one friend at a time in quiet settings.

These steps might seem small, but they’re powerful. Each one is a statement: I’m not letting avoidance define my life. I’m moving toward what matters, even when it’s difficult.

If you’ve been watching your world get smaller – if you’ve been avoiding things that once brought you joy – please know that this pattern can change. You don’t have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. But you also don’t have to accept a life defined by avoidance.

There’s a path back to the things you love – one that honors your current needs while helping you move toward the life you want.

Ready to reclaim the activities that matter to you? Start here.