How to Give Your Therapist Constructive Feedback

Your therapist says something that doesn’t quite sit right with you. Maybe they misunderstood what you were trying to say, or maybe you feel like the session is getting off track. Your first instinct might be to just stay quiet and let it go. You don’t want to be rude or hurt their feelings. You might think, “They’re the expert, they must know what they’re doing.” But what if giving your therapist feedback was one of the most therapeutic things you could do?

At Televero Health, we believe that therapy is a collaborative relationship. A good therapist doesn’t just want your agreement; they want your honest engagement. Learning how to provide respectful, constructive feedback to your therapist can not only improve the quality of your sessions but can also be a powerful practice in assertive communication that you can apply to all the relationships in your life.

Why Is Giving Feedback So Hard (and So Important)?

Giving feedback to an authority figure can be intimidating. Many of us have been taught not to question the experts. We might also fear that if we say something critical, our therapist will be angry with us or will no longer like us. This fear is often rooted in our past relationship experiences.

But your relationship with your therapist is unique. It is a professional relationship that is designed to be a safe laboratory for you to practice new ways of being. A good therapist is trained to not take feedback personally. They will see it as valuable data about what is and isn’t working for you. They will see it as a sign of your strength and your investment in the process.

Giving feedback is important because:

  • It helps your therapist to help you. They are not a mind reader. If something isn’t working, they need you to tell them so they can adjust their approach.
  • It strengthens the therapeutic alliance. Being able to navigate a difficult conversation and resolve a rupture in the relationship can actually make your bond of trust even stronger.
  • It is a powerful form of practice. If you struggle with being assertive in your life, the therapy room is the perfect, safe place to practice this skill.

How to Give Feedback Respectfully and Effectively

The key to giving good feedback is to be both honest and respectful. It’s not about blaming or attacking your therapist; it’s about sharing your own experience.

Here are some tips and sentence starters:

  • Use “I” Statements: As always, this is the best tool. Focus on your own feelings and experience.
    • Instead of: “You’re not understanding me.”
    • Try: “I’m feeling misunderstood right now. I think I’m not explaining myself well.”
  • Be Specific: Give a concrete example if you can.
    • Instead of: “This isn’t helpful.”
    • Try: “When we spent most of last session talking about my work stress, I left feeling like we didn’t get to the relationship issue that I really wanted to discuss.”
  • Frame It as a Question or a Check-In: This can feel less confrontational.
    • “I’m noticing that I’m feeling a bit disconnected today. I’m wondering if we could check in about how this session is going for both of us?”
    • “Could we go back to what you just said? It didn’t quite land right with me, and I want to make sure I understand what you meant.”
  • Acknowledge the Positive: It can be helpful to sandwich the constructive feedback with something positive.
    • “I’ve found our work on my anxiety so helpful. I’m wondering if we could shift our focus a bit in today’s session?”

What to Expect After You Give Feedback

A good therapist will respond with openness, curiosity, and gratitude. They will not get defensive. They will likely thank you for your honesty and use your feedback to open up a productive conversation. They might ask you to say more about your experience. This conversation itself can be incredibly therapeutic.

Your voice is the most important one in the therapy room. By learning to use it to provide constructive feedback, you are taking ownership of your healing journey and transforming your relationship with your therapist into a true, collaborative partnership.

Key Takeaways

  • Giving your therapist constructive feedback is a healthy and important part of the therapeutic process.
  • A good therapist will welcome your feedback as valuable information that helps them to help you more effectively.
  • Use “I” statements and specific examples to share your experience in a respectful, non-blaming way.
  • Providing feedback is a powerful way to practice assertive communication and to strengthen your therapeutic alliance.

Ready to take the first step? We can help. Get started with Televero Health today.