How to Forgive Yourself and Others

You made a mistake. You hurt someone’s feelings. You did something you regret. Now, you are carrying the heavy weight of that mistake with you. You might be replaying it over and over in your head, beating yourself up with guilt and shame. Or perhaps someone else has hurt you deeply, and you are carrying the heavy weight of resentment and anger. In both of these situations, the person who is suffering the most in the present moment is you. The path to releasing this burden is through forgiveness.

At Televero Health, we know that forgiveness is one of the most challenging and misunderstood concepts in emotional healing. It is not a simple, one-time decision; it is a difficult, courageous, and deeply personal process. Therapy can be a safe space to explore what forgiveness means to you and to gently guide you on the path toward letting go.

What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)

It is crucial to first understand what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is NOT:

Forgetting that the hurtful event happened.
Condoning or excusing the behavior. It does not mean that what happened was okay.
Reconciling with the person who hurt you. You can forgive someone and still choose not to have them in your life.
A sign of weakness.

So, what is it? Forgiveness is the conscious, internal decision to let go of your resentment and your desire for revenge. It is the choice to release the other person (or yourself) from the emotional debt you feel they owe you. Ultimately, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is the act of freeing yourself from the prison of your own anger and bitterness, so that you can move forward with your life.

The Challenge of Forgiving Others

When someone has hurt you, holding onto anger and resentment can feel powerful. It can feel like you are punishing them. But in reality, you are the one who is drinking the poison. Holding onto that bitterness keeps you tethered to the past and to the person who hurt you. It allows them to continue to have power over your present emotional state.

Forgiving someone is not about letting them off the hook. It’s about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about taking your power back. In therapy, you can work through the complex feelings of anger and grief that come with being hurt. A therapist can help you to process the pain in a safe way, so that you can eventually reach a place where you are ready to make the choice to let go.

The Even Greater Challenge of Forgiving Yourself

For many people, the hardest person to forgive is themselves. We can be our own harshest critics, holding ourselves to a standard of perfection that we would never expect of anyone else. When we make a mistake, we can get stuck in a loop of shame and self-blame that can be paralyzing.

Learning to forgive yourself is a profound act of self-compassion. It involves:

Taking Responsibility: The first step is to acknowledge your mistake without making excuses. Own what you did and the impact it had.
Feeling the Remorse: Allow yourself to feel the genuine guilt and remorse for your actions. Guilt can be a healthy emotion that signals we have violated our own values.
Making Amends, If Possible: If it is safe and appropriate, take steps to repair the harm you have caused. This could be a sincere apology or another action to make things right.
Learning the Lesson: What can you learn from this mistake? How can it help you to grow and to be a better person in the future?
Letting Go and Moving Forward: This is the final, crucial step. It is the choice to accept your own imperfection and to release yourself from the endless cycle of self-punishment. It is the recognition that one mistake does not define your entire worth as a person.

Forgiveness, whether of others or of yourself, is not easy. It is a messy, non-linear, and deeply courageous process. It is the hard and necessary work of choosing peace over pain, and choosing to focus your energy on creating a better future rather than being chained to the past.

Key Takeaways

Forgiveness is not about condoning hurtful behavior or forgetting the past; it is the internal choice to let go of resentment for your own peace of mind.
Holding onto anger toward someone who has hurt you keeps you tethered to the pain; forgiveness is about taking your power back.
Forgiving yourself is often even harder and involves taking responsibility, making amends, learning from your mistake, and, crucially, practicing self-compassion.
Therapy can provide a safe space to process the difficult emotions involved and to guide you through the courageous process of letting go.

Ready to take the first step? We can help. Get started with Televero Health today.