Techniques for Managing Social Anxiety

Your phone buzzes with an invitation to a party. Your first feeling is not excitement; it’s a jolt of dread. Your mind immediately starts to race with worried thoughts: “What will I wear? Who will I talk to? What if I say something stupid? Everyone will think I’m so awkward.” This intense fear of social situations is the hallmark of social anxiety. It can make your world feel very small. But you don’t have to be a prisoner of this fear. There are practical, evidence-based techniques you can learn to manage it.

At Televero Health, we help patients build a toolbox of skills to confront their social anxiety. It’s not about becoming the life of the party overnight; it’s about learning to navigate social situations with less fear and more confidence, so you can build the connections you desire.

Technique 1: Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts

Social anxiety is driven by a set of predictable, negative thought patterns, or “cognitive distortions.” The first step is to learn to recognize and challenge them. This is a core skill of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

• Identify the Thought: When you feel socially anxious, ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen right now?” Your automatic thought might be, “Everyone is staring at me and thinking I’m weird.”
• Put it on Trial: Is this thought 100% true? Look for the evidence. Are people really staring at you, or are they just talking to each other? You are likely engaging in “mind reading” (assuming you know what others are thinking) and “personalization” (assuming their behavior is about you).
• Create a Balanced Thought: Replace the anxious thought with a more realistic one. “Some people might notice me, but most people are probably focused on their own conversations. Even if someone thinks I’m a little awkward, it’s not a catastrophe.”

Technique 2: Shift Your Focus of Attention

When you are socially anxious, your attention is turned inward. You are intensely self-focused, monitoring your every word, your every movement, and your every physical sensation of anxiety. This self-monitoring makes you feel even more awkward and anxious.

The skill to practice is shifting your focus of attention outward. Instead of focusing on yourself, get curious about the people and the environment around you.

• Be an Observer: Pretend you are a journalist. What do you notice about the room? What are other people wearing? What music is playing?
• Practice Active Listening: When you are talking to someone, make it your sole mission to listen to them with your full attention. Get curious about them. Ask them open-ended questions. When you are truly focused on understanding someone else, you have less mental bandwidth available to worry about yourself.

Technique 3: Gradual Exposure

Anxiety is maintained by avoidance. The only way to truly overcome it is to face your fears. Exposure therapy involves gradually and systematically putting yourself in the situations you fear, so your brain can learn that they are not as dangerous as it thinks.

• • Create a Fear Ladder: With your therapist, create a list of social situations, ranked from the least scary to the most scary. The bottom rung might be “make eye contact and smile at a cashier.” A middle rung might be “make small talk with a coworker for two minutes.” The top rung might be “go to a party and initiate a conversation with a stranger.”
  • Start at the Bottom: You start by practicing the easiest item on your ladder. You do it repeatedly until your anxiety about that situation decreases.

– Climb the Ladder: Once you’ve mastered one step, you move on to the next. This gradual process builds your confidence and desensitizes you to the fear over time.

Technique 4: Use Your Body to Calm Your Mind

Social anxiety has a strong physical component. Using relaxation skills can help to calm your body’s “fight-or-flight” response.

• • Practice Deep Breathing: Before you walk into a social event, take a few minutes to do some slow, deep belly breathing. Making your exhale longer than your inhale will activate your body’s relaxation response.

– Relax Your Muscles: Notice where you are holding tension in your body. Are your shoulders up by your ears? Is your jaw clenched? Consciously relax those muscles.

Managing social anxiety is a skill that takes practice. Be compassionate with yourself. Start with small, manageable steps. Every time you face your fear, no matter how small the situation, you are telling your anxiety that it does not get to be in charge. You are reclaiming your life, one conversation at a time.

Key Takeaways

• You can manage social anxiety by learning practical, evidence-based techniques.
• Challenge your anxious thoughts by questioning them and replacing them with more balanced alternatives.
• Shift your focus of attention outward by getting curious about others, rather than focusing on yourself.
• Gradually face your fears using a “fear ladder” to break the cycle of avoidance.
• Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Ready to take the first step? We can help. Get started with Televero Health today.