The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Others While Neglecting Yourself

Your aging parents need more help. Your children still depend on you. Your work demands don’t stop. And somewhere in the middle of caring for everyone else, your own wellbeing has been squeezed out entirely. You’re the sandwich generation – caught between multiple caregiving roles with nothing left for yourself.

At Televero Health, we work with many people navigating this challenging life phase. They come to us exhausted from juggling multiple caregiving responsibilities, often having neglected their own mental health for so long they’re reaching breaking point. What they discover is that while the demands are real and resources limited, sustainable caregiving requires finding ways to address their own wellbeing – not as a luxury once everyone else is taken care of, but as an essential foundation that makes continued care for others possible.

Maybe you recognize yourself in this position. Maybe you’re raising children or supporting young adult kids while also caring for aging parents or other older relatives. Maybe you’re trying to maintain your career alongside these family responsibilities. Maybe you’re managing multiple health systems, financial concerns, and logistical challenges for family members at different life stages. Maybe you’ve been in this caregiving sandwich so long you’ve forgotten what it feels like to focus on your own needs, or you feel guilty even thinking about them when others seem to need you so much.

This position creates distinct mental health challenges that go beyond ordinary stress. The competing demands from different directions. The decision fatigue from constant reprioritization. The anticipatory anxiety about potential crises. The grief watching parents decline while still needing to maintain positive energy for children. The identity strain when personal needs and goals are indefinitely postponed. The relationship tensions when partners disagree about caregiving approaches or don’t share responsibilities equally. The isolation when friends in different life phases don’t understand your constraints.

These challenges aren’t just difficult – they create genuine risk for caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue, and deteriorating mental health that ultimately affects your ability to care for anyone, including yourself. Not because you’re doing something wrong or aren’t strong enough, but because human beings have finite resources that deplete when output consistently exceeds input. When giving care to others continuously outpaces receiving care and replenishment yourself.

We see the impact of this imbalance in many ways. The person whose anxiety or depression gradually worsens as self-care becomes non-existent amidst competing demands. The caregiver whose physical health deteriorates while focusing exclusively on others’ medical needs. The parent whose relationship with their own children becomes strained by the stress and limited energy remaining after elder care responsibilities. The individual who loses connection with sources of meaning and joy outside caregiving roles, creating dangerous vulnerability if those roles change.

If you’re caught in this sandwich of care responsibilities, know that while the demands are real and the constraints genuine, sustainable caregiving requires finding ways to address your own wellbeing – not as an indulgence that takes from others, but as necessary maintenance of the internal resources that make continued care possible at all. Not separate from your caregiving responsibilities, but essential to fulfilling them without dangerously depleting yourself in the process.

In therapy, we help people develop this more sustainable approach through several strategies. First, by acknowledging the reality of their challenging position without minimizing its difficulty or suggesting simple solutions to complex circumstances. Then, by identifying their specific mental health needs and how these might be affecting not just their wellbeing but their capacity to maintain caregiving roles. Finally, by developing approaches to self-care that work within rather than despite the constraints of their current situation.

These approaches might include learning to identify and protect truly non-negotiable aspects of self-care rather than treating all personal needs as optional. Or finding very brief but impactful practices that can be implemented even within highly constrained schedules. Or exploring how to modify rather than abandon important self-care when ideal conditions aren’t available. Or developing clearer boundaries around caregiving responsibilities, including when and how to seek additional support rather than trying to manage everything alone.

What many discover through this process is that addressing their own wellbeing isn’t selfish but necessary – not just for themselves but for everyone who depends on their continued ability to provide care. That certain forms of self-neglect actually undermine rather than support their capacity to care for others. That sustainable caregiving requires treating their own needs as legitimate rather than perpetually secondary to everyone else’s.

They also discover that self-care in this context rarely looks like the idealized versions portrayed in popular media. It’s not primarily about extended retreats or elaborate rituals, but about small, consistent actions that maintain basic physical and mental health when resources are limited. Adequate sleep whenever possible. Basic nutrition despite hectic schedules. Brief moments of genuine connection with supportive others. Small windows of activity that provide stress relief or meaningful engagement outside caregiving roles. Boundaries that protect core needs even when they can’t address all wants.

Perhaps most importantly, many in the sandwich generation discover that seeking appropriate professional support isn’t an additional burden but an essential resource when navigating such challenging territory. Not because therapy magically creates more hours in the day or reduces objective responsibilities, but because it provides crucial space to process the complex emotions this position creates. To acknowledge the grief, frustration, anxiety, or resentment that naturally arise without judgment. To develop more sustainable approaches to challenges that won’t disappear but can be navigated with less personal depletion. To remember aspects of identity beyond caregiving roles when these threaten to consume everything else.

Because the truth is, while the sandwich generation position creates genuine constraints on time, energy, and resources, complete self-neglect isn’t the only or best response to these limitations. It’s not a virtue but a vulnerability that ultimately undermines the very caregiving it’s trying to prioritize. And finding ways to maintain your own mental health – even in modest, realistic forms that acknowledge current constraints – isn’t taking from those who need you. It’s ensuring you can continue to be there for them without reaching dangerous levels of depletion that serve no one, including those you’re trying so hard to support.

Ready to explore how you might address your own wellbeing while navigating multiple caregiving responsibilities? Start here.