The Things We Tell Ourselves (And Why They Matter)

The voice in your head is with you all day, every day. What is it saying?

At Televero Health, we’ve noticed something remarkable: people who come to us with very different life circumstances often share similar internal narratives. These are the private thoughts that run through their minds – about who they are, what they deserve, what others think of them, and what’s possible for their lives. And while these thoughts feel like simple truths to the person thinking them, they’re actually stories – stories with enormous power.

Maybe you’ve never paid much attention to your own internal narratives. Maybe they’re so familiar they just feel like reality. “I’m not good enough.” “I need to be perfect.” “No one would understand.” “I should be handling this better.” These thoughts may run through your mind dozens of times a day, shaping how you feel and what you do without you even noticing.

But what if these stories aren’t facts? What if they’re just one possible interpretation of your experience – and not always the most accurate or helpful one?

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We all have internal narratives – ongoing stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, others, and the world. These narratives aren’t random. They develop over time, shaped by:

Early experiences. Messages you received from parents, teachers, or other influential figures often become internalized as your own voice. If you were frequently criticized, you might develop a narrative that you’re never good enough. If your feelings were dismissed, you might tell yourself they don’t matter.

Significant events. How you interpret pivotal experiences – successes, failures, losses, traumas – can crystallize into ongoing stories. A rejection might become “I’m unlovable.” A mistake might become “I can’t be trusted to get things right.”

Cultural messages. Broader social narratives about what makes someone valuable, successful, or worthy influence your personal stories. These messages vary across cultures and communities but can be powerfully internalized.

Protective mechanisms. Some internal narratives develop as ways to protect yourself from pain or vulnerability. “Don’t get your hopes up” might shield you from disappointment. “Don’t trust anyone” might guard against betrayal.

These narratives don’t just float through your mind – they actively shape your reality. They influence what you notice, how you interpret events, what you expect, and how you behave. They can expand or limit what feels possible for your life.

Common Narratives That Cause Suffering

While everyone’s internal landscape is unique, certain narratives appear frequently in therapy – stories that create particular kinds of suffering:

The Perfection Narrative: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.” This all-or-nothing thinking creates constant pressure and anxiety. It makes mistakes feel catastrophic rather than human. It drives overwork, burnout, and harsh self-criticism.

The Unworthiness Narrative: “I’m not good enough/important enough/lovable enough.” This core belief can undermine everything from relationships to career pursuits. It creates a sense that you must constantly prove your worth or that good things happening to you are mistakes that will eventually be corrected.

The Responsibility Narrative: “Everything is my fault/my job to fix.” This narrative places the weight of every situation on your shoulders. It can drive caretaking behaviors, difficulty with boundaries, and overwhelming guilt when you can’t solve others’ problems.

The Judgment Narrative: “Everyone is evaluating and criticizing me.” This belief creates constant self-consciousness and social anxiety. It makes it difficult to be present with others because you’re preoccupied with how you’re being perceived.

The Catastrophe Narrative: “The worst will happen and I won’t be able to handle it.” This story fuels anxiety and avoidance. It keeps you braced for disaster rather than engaged with what’s actually happening.

You might recognize several of these narratives or have others that are more specific to your experience. The key insight is that these aren’t objective truths – they’re interpretations that have become so familiar they feel like reality.

How Internal Narratives Shape External Reality

The stories you tell yourself don’t just affect how you feel – they influence what happens in your life. This occurs through several mechanisms:

Selective attention. Your narratives determine what you notice. If your story is “people always let me down,” you’ll likely pay more attention to disappointments than to instances of support, reinforcing your original belief.

Interpretation bias. The same event can be interpreted in multiple ways. If someone doesn’t return your call, is it because they’re busy, or because they’re avoiding you? Your existing narratives will influence which interpretation feels most believable.

Self-fulfilling behavior. Your narratives shape your actions, which then shape your experiences. If you believe “I don’t belong in this group,” you might act hesitant or withdrawn, leading to less connection, which then “proves” your original story.

Emotional consequences. Your thoughts directly influence your emotions, which then affect your energy, focus, and capacity. A narrative like “I can’t handle this” creates anxiety that makes challenges genuinely harder to face.

Through these processes, internal narratives can create cycles that reinforce themselves, making your stories feel increasingly true even if they began as questionable interpretations.

Rewriting Your Story

The good news is that internal narratives can change. They’re not fixed traits or permanent truths, even if they feel that way. With awareness and practice, you can develop a different relationship with your thoughts – one that allows for more flexibility, compassion, and choice.

This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to think positively or replacing one rigid narrative with another. It means developing the ability to recognize your thoughts as thoughts, not facts – to hold them more lightly and question their accuracy and helpfulness.

Therapy provides a powerful context for this work. A therapist can help you:

Identify your core narratives. Often the most powerful stories are so ingrained you don’t even notice them. A therapist can help you recognize the recurring themes in your thinking and how they connect to your feelings and behaviors.

Explore their origins. Understanding where your narratives came from can create helpful distance. Recognizing “This is something I learned when I was vulnerable, not an objective truth” makes space for new perspectives.

Question their accuracy. A therapist can help you examine the evidence for and against your beliefs, considering alternative interpretations and expanding your view beyond what your narrative typically allows you to see.

Develop greater narrative flexibility. The goal isn’t to replace negative stories with positive ones, but to develop a more nuanced relationship with all your thoughts – to hold them as possibilities rather than certainties, and to choose which ones you want to give power to.

We’ve seen remarkable transformations as people develop new relationships with their internal narratives. The professional who moved from “I have to be perfect” to “I’m doing my best with what I have right now.” The person with social anxiety who shifted from “Everyone is judging me” to “People are mostly focused on their own experience.” The caretaker who transitioned from “Everyone’s needs matter more than mine” to “My needs are just as important as others’.”

These shifts don’t happen overnight. After years of telling yourself the same stories, change takes time and practice. There may be setbacks – moments when old narratives reassert themselves, especially during stress. But with continued awareness, the grip of limiting stories gradually loosens.

The story you tell yourself about who you are and what’s possible for your life is perhaps the most influential force shaping your experience. You deserve a narrative that’s accurate, compassionate, and expansive – one that acknowledges challenges without defining you by them, that recognizes your inherent worth beyond what you achieve or provide to others, that allows for growth and change and possibility.

Your story is still being written. And you can have more say in how it unfolds.

Ready to explore and reshape your internal narratives? Start here.