What If You Could Put Some of This Down?

When was the last time you set down something heavy you’d been carrying and felt your shoulders relax in relief?

At Televero Health, we often meet people who are carrying psychological and emotional weights that were never theirs to bear. Responsibilities that belong to others. Shame that was placed on them unfairly. Standards no human could possibly meet. And when we gently ask, “What if you could put some of this down?” they look at us with a mix of longing and disbelief — as if the possibility never occurred to them.

Maybe you recognize yourself in this. The constant weight of obligations that don’t actually belong to you. The exhaustion of trying to manage other people’s emotions. The pressure of impossible standards you’ve internalized. The burden of old pain you’ve been carrying far too long.

What if you could set some of it down? Not all at once. Not everything. Just some of what’s weighing you down right now.

Recognizing What Isn’t Yours to Carry

Many of us are carrying burdens that were never ours to bear in the first place. We pick them up gradually, often without noticing, until we’re struggling under their weight and can’t remember a time when we weren’t carrying them.

Some common weights that aren’t actually yours:

Responsibility for other adults’ emotions and wellbeing
Shame for things that were done to you, not by you
The need to be perfect to be worthy of love
The task of managing others’ perceptions of you
The obligation to meet everyone’s needs before your own

These aren’t burdens you consciously chose. They were often handed to you by family dynamics, painful relationships, or cultural messages. You picked them up because it seemed necessary for survival, for belonging, for love.

But they were never truly yours. And you don’t have to keep carrying them.

The Fear of Putting Things Down

If it’s so clear that these weights aren’t ours to carry, why do we hold onto them so tightly? The answer isn’t simple, but it often includes fears like:

“If I stop managing everyone’s feelings, relationships will fall apart.”

“If I’m not perfect, I’ll be rejected or abandoned.”

“If I prioritize my needs, I’m selfish.”

“If I set down my shame, there will be nothing protecting me from more pain.”

“If I let go of control, something terrible will happen.”

These aren’t irrational fears. They’re based on experiences where it felt like carrying these weights was necessary for your emotional or even physical safety. They’re the conclusions your mind drew from difficult circumstances, often early in life.

But what protected you then may be hurting you now. What once helped you survive may now be preventing you from truly living.

Setting Down Weight Doesn’t Mean Abandoning Responsibility

When we talk about putting down what isn’t yours to carry, we’re not suggesting abandoning legitimate responsibilities or commitments. We’re talking about releasing the excessive burdens that keep you from showing up fully for what actually matters.

You can care deeply about others without being responsible for their emotions.

You can hold yourself to healthy standards without demanding perfection.

You can honor your commitments while still having boundaries.

You can acknowledge past pain without letting it define your worth.

You can be reliable without being everyone’s solution.

This isn’t about shirking responsibility. It’s about clarifying what’s truly yours to carry and what belongs to others or to life itself.

How to Begin Setting Things Down

Putting down heavy burdens you’ve carried for years isn’t something that happens all at once. It’s a practice — one that involves both awareness and action.

Start with awareness:

Notice when you feel weighed down, resentful, or exhausted
Ask yourself, “Is this actually mine to carry?”
Identify where the belief that you must carry this came from
Recognize the cost of continuing to bear this weight
Imagine what might be possible if you had that energy available for other things

Then move toward action:

Experiment with setting small boundaries
Practice saying “I care about you, but I can’t solve this for you”
Allow yourself to be imperfect in low-risk situations
Start meeting your own needs alongside others’
Seek support for the emotions that arise as you set things down

Each time you practice putting down what isn’t yours, you build the muscle of discernment. You strengthen your ability to distinguish between genuine responsibility and burdens you’ve been carrying out of fear, habit, or misplaced loyalty.

The Space That Opens Up

When you begin setting down burdens that aren’t yours, something remarkable happens. Space opens up. Space to breathe. Space to feel. Space to choose differently. Space to connect with what actually matters to you.

We see this transformation in people all the time:

The woman who stops managing her adult children’s emotions and discovers energy for her own long-postponed dreams.

The man who releases the need to be perfect at work and finds he’s actually more effective when he’s not exhausted by impossible standards.

The person who stops carrying shame for childhood abuse and feels a lightness they didn’t know was possible.

The parent who realizes they can care deeply for their children without being responsible for every aspect of their happiness.

This space doesn’t open up all at once. It grows gradually as you continue the practice of putting down what isn’t yours. But even a small amount of this space can be transformative.

You Don’t Have to Put Everything Down at Once

Sometimes when people hear us talking about setting down burdens, they imagine a dramatic moment where they drop everything at once. That’s rarely how it works, and rarely what’s helpful.

You don’t have to put everything down today. You don’t have to make sudden, dramatic changes to relationships or responsibilities. You can start small. You can set one thing down and see what happens. You can experiment with carrying a bit less and notice how it feels.

This is a process, not an event. A gradual recalibration of what you carry and why. A gentle exploration of what becomes possible when you’re not weighted down by burdens that were never yours in the first place.

And you don’t have to do it alone. Having support as you navigate this terrain makes a profound difference. Someone who can help you discern what’s yours and what isn’t. Someone who can sit with you through the discomfort that may arise as you set things down. Someone who can remind you of your inherent worth when old doubts surface.

What might become possible in your life if you could put some of this down? What energy might be freed up? What joy might find space to grow? What authentic connections might form when you’re not carrying so much?

Ready to explore what you might set down? Start here.