What If Your Resistance Is Trying to Tell You Something?

That feeling when you know you should do something good for yourself, but something inside keeps pulling back? We usually call it resistance, and we tend to see it as the enemy of change. But what if it’s actually trying to tell you something important?

At Televero Health, we work with many people who are frustrated by their own resistance to positive changes. They come to us wondering why they keep avoiding therapy appointments, dismissing helpful suggestions, or finding reasons not to take steps they know would benefit them. What they often discover is that resistance isn’t just an obstacle – it’s a messenger carrying important information that needs to be heard before meaningful change can happen.

Maybe you’ve experienced this kind of resistance yourself. Maybe you’ve scheduled therapy appointments and then canceled them. Or read self-help books without implementing their suggestions. Or promised yourself you’d finally address a long-standing issue, only to find reasons to postpone it yet again. Maybe you’ve criticized yourself for this pattern, seeing it as weakness, fear, or lack of commitment.

But what if your resistance isn’t just trying to stop you? What if it’s actually trying to communicate something that needs your attention before you move forward?

In our work, we’ve found that resistance often contains wisdom. When we approach it with curiosity rather than frustration, it frequently reveals important concerns that need to be addressed for change to be sustainable. It might be highlighting fears that deserve consideration, values that are being overlooked, or past experiences that are influencing your current choices in ways you haven’t fully recognized.

For example, resistance to therapy might be saying: “The last time I was vulnerable with someone, I got hurt. How do I know this will be different?” Or “If I admit how much I’m struggling, what does that mean about my identity as a strong, self-sufficient person?” Or even just “I’m not sure this particular approach is right for me, even if I do need support.”

These aren’t trivial concerns. They’re meaningful considerations that deserve to be heard and addressed, not dismissed as mere excuses or obstacles to progress.

We see this dynamic play out in many different ways. The client who keeps canceling appointments because a previous experience with a healthcare provider left them feeling unheard and dismissed. The person who intellectualizes their problems as a way to maintain a sense of control when emotional vulnerability feels threatening. The individual who finds endless reasons to postpone change because part of them senses they don’t have adequate support systems in place for the transition.

In each case, resistance isn’t just saying “no” to change. It’s saying “not like this” or “not until this concern is addressed” or “not without more information.” It’s trying to protect something that matters – your sense of safety, your core values, your need for agency in your own healing process.

This doesn’t mean that resistance should have the final word or that you should remain stuck in patterns that cause suffering. But it does suggest that simply trying to overcome resistance through willpower, without understanding what it’s trying to tell you, often leads to temporary changes that don’t last or to repeated cycles of commitment followed by avoidance.

A more effective approach begins with curiosity. Instead of seeing resistance as something to fight against, what if you approached it as a part of yourself with important information to share? What if you asked it: “What are you trying to protect me from? What do you need to feel safer about moving forward? What haven’t I fully considered about this change?”

This kind of dialogue with your own resistance might sound strange, but it’s actually a powerful way to integrate parts of yourself that might otherwise work against each other. It acknowledges that resistance usually has protective intent, even if its methods are ultimately limiting.

In therapy, we often help people explore their resistance in this way. Not to eliminate it through force of will, but to understand it well enough that it no longer needs to operate in such absolute terms. As the concerns behind resistance are acknowledged and addressed, what was once a solid wall often becomes a more nuanced response – a voice in the conversation rather than a barrier to all movement.

This might mean finding ways to address legitimate concerns about safety within the therapy process. Or honoring important values even as you work toward change. Or developing additional resources and support systems to make transitions more manageable. Or simply allowing space for ambivalence rather than expecting yourself to feel only positive emotions about changes that, while beneficial, might also involve loss or risk.

What we’ve found is that people who take time to understand their resistance, rather than just trying to overpower it, often make more sustainable changes. Not because they never feel doubtful or hesitant, but because they’ve integrated those doubts and hesitations into their approach rather than treating them as enemies to be vanquished.

If you’ve been frustrated by your own resistance to positive changes, consider that it might not be simply an obstacle in your path. It might be a part of you trying to ensure that change happens in a way that honors all your needs, not just your conscious desire for something different. It might be carrying wisdom that, once heard and integrated, could actually help you create change that truly works for your whole self, not just the part that wants immediate progress.

Because sustainable change isn’t about overriding parts of yourself. It’s about creating enough internal alignment that movement becomes possible without requiring constant battle against your own protective responses.

Ready to listen to what your resistance might be trying to tell you? Start here.