When You’re Not Ready, But Need Someone Anyway
Sometimes the things we need most are the things we feel least ready for.
At Televero Health, we’ve sat with hundreds of people who began their first session by saying, “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.” They reach out with one hand while pulling back with the other – caught between needing support and fearing what it might mean to accept it.
Maybe you feel that way too. Something inside keeps telling you to reach out, but another part holds back. You think about making the call, then put it off another week. You open the website, then close the tab. You draft the message, then delete it.
It’s like standing at the edge of a pool when you’re not sure about the temperature. You know you probably need to get in, but you can’t quite make yourself take the plunge.
This hesitation makes complete sense. Opening up to someone new is vulnerable. Admitting you need help can feel exposing. And the idea of looking at painful things you’ve been working hard to avoid? That’s genuinely difficult.
What “Not Ready” Often Means
When we dig deeper with people who say they’re “not ready,” we often discover what they’re really saying is:
- “I’m scared of what might come up if I start talking”
- “I’m not sure I can handle the emotions therapy might bring up”
- “I don’t know if I have the energy for this process”
- “I worry I’ll be overwhelmed”
- “I’m afraid of being judged for waiting this long”
- “I don’t know if I can trust someone new with these feelings”
These concerns aren’t signs that you’re not ready. They’re signs that you’re aware of how meaningful this step could be. They’re signs of wisdom, not weakness.
Think about it: we don’t feel nervous about things that don’t matter. Your hesitation is actually showing you that this matters to you. It’s your mind’s way of recognizing that reaching out could change things – and change, even good change, can feel threatening when we’re used to surviving a certain way.
The Readiness Myth
There’s a common belief that we need to feel completely ready before starting anything important. That we should feel confident, clear, and committed before we begin.
But that’s rarely how meaningful change works.
Most people who start therapy don’t feel ready. Most people who make any significant life change don’t feel ready. Readiness isn’t what happens before you begin – it’s what develops along the way.
One client told us: “I waited three years to feel ready. Then I realized I was never going to feel ready. I just had to start anyway.”
Another said: “I was terrified before my first session. But once I was actually there, talking to a real person who wasn’t judging me, it wasn’t nearly as scary as I’d built it up to be.”
What they discovered is that you don’t have to be ready to start. You just have to be willing to take one small step, even with all your doubts and fears intact.
The Space Between Readiness and Need
There’s an important distinction between not feeling ready and not needing help. You can deeply need support while still feeling completely unprepared to receive it.
In fact, the times when we most need support are often the times when we feel least equipped to seek it. When we’re exhausted. When we’re overwhelmed. When we’ve been trying to handle things alone for too long.
It’s like being physically sick but not wanting to get out of bed to get medicine. The very thing that would help feels too difficult to reach for.
This is exactly when having someone else in your corner becomes most valuable – when taking those steps alone feels too hard.
Starting Where You Are
Therapy doesn’t require you to show up ready, polished, or even knowing what you want to talk about. It just asks you to show up as you are – hesitant, uncertain, ambivalent, or even skeptical.
A skilled therapist knows how to meet you exactly where you are. They know that ambivalence is a normal part of the process, not an obstacle to it. They’re trained to work with your pace, your comfort level, and your unique needs.
You can start by saying: “I’m not sure I’m ready for this,” and that’s a perfectly valid beginning. You can say: “I’m scared about what might come up,” and that becomes part of what you work on together. You can admit: “I don’t know how to do this,” and that honesty becomes the foundation of the work.
There’s no script you need to follow. No required level of readiness. No threshold of certainty you need to cross before you’re “allowed” to seek support.
Small Steps Count
You don’t have to dive into the deepest parts of your experience right away. Therapy can start small:
- Just making the initial call or sending the first message
- Showing up for one session to see how it feels
- Talking about surface-level concerns before deeper ones
- Setting boundaries about what you’re ready to discuss
- Taking breaks when things feel too intense
Many people find that once they take that first small step, the next ones come a little easier. Not because they suddenly feel “ready,” but because they discover that sharing the load, even a little bit, brings its own kind of relief.
As one client put it: “I thought I needed to feel brave to start therapy. But starting therapy is what helped me feel brave.”
Permission to Begin Anyway
If you’re waiting to feel ready, this is your permission to begin anyway. To reach out with all your hesitation intact. To say yes to support even while part of you wants to say no.
Your doubts can come along for the ride. Your fears about the process can be part of the conversation. Your uncertainty about whether this is the right time can be something you explore together.
What matters isn’t how ready you feel, but that you’re willing to take one small step despite not feeling ready.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to admit we need someone even when everything in us wants to handle it alone. Sometimes the wisest choice is to reach out before we feel prepared to do so.
You don’t have to be ready. You just have to be here.
Not feeling ready is normal. Start where you are today.